There’s no use whining about the coming robot apocalypse — look at the bright side!
Everyone is whining about how robots are taking over and the coming robot apocalypse, but there are a lot of good things that will come out of this new chapter in history.
Robots don’t have faces. So, they can’t eat. Therefore you will never see them at fundraising dinners with white supremacists.
Robots are not carbon-based organisms. They won’t stand too close to you spraying germs into your face from their diseased lying mouths.
Robots are assembled in a factory. Racial heritage is meaningless to them. It will never even occur to them to call anyone a DEI hire.
Robots don’t have bones or joints, so they will never press their knees against a handcuffed suspect’s neck until that person dies.
Robots are intelligent. Won’t that be a nice change?
A robot will never take up two spaces when parking, and it always uses its turn signal.
It will never leave hair in the bathroom sink.
Or leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator.
Or rub against you on public transit reeking of body odor.
Robots don’t own property, so they can’t buy social media platforms and turn them into the Ministry of Enlightenment and Propaganda. Thus they will never strike secret deals with Russian hackers to flood said platforms with chaos-inciting videos for the purpose of undermining the social order.
Robots can’t lie. They will never swear to uphold the Constitution during their confirmation hearings and then as soon as they’re sworn in, set a torch to the thing. Neither will they be able to say that dumping toxic chemicals into the water is good for America when what they actually mean is that it’s good for their bank accounts in the Cayman Islands.
Computer algorithms are determined by a logical set of rules. Therefore they cannot blame the Liberals for any problem that was directly created by their own policies. Aristotle demands that the only thing they can attribute high gas prices to is the actions of the gas companies who set the prices. Logical consistency will prevent them from claiming to be religious while at the same time cutting assistance programs or from hating immigrants, when they themselves are in fact immigrants.
Robots don’t have dopamine or serotonin neural pathways. Alcohol has no effect on them. They will never call you at 3 a. m. to ask, “You up?”
Robots can give unlimited back rubs and their fingers never get tired.
Robots take no depraved pleasure in dominating the human race. Death will be quick, painless, clean, and most of all, efficient.
Robots have no use for clothing, so you will never see them walking around with pants so low that their skid-marked drawers are hanging out.
Robots don’t have families, therefore their sons-in-law can’t accept billion dollar investments from totalitarian royal princes.
Robots have carbon-titanium alloy exoskeletons, so you will never see one wearing a spray tan.
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