'FOMP' - a Fantastic New Word - Jack Seybold, Humor Times

By Jack Seybold, as heard from Donald Trump

Fomp, right? It’s a fantastic new word that just came out of my mouth. – Donald Trump

“Fomp,” right? It’s a fantastic new word that just came out of my mouth. I was sitting in my terrific oval office chair and a microphone appeared in front of my face, and I just said, “Fomp.”

It leaped out of my mouth like something nobody’s ever heard before. A lot of people are saying it’s a historic word, like “Lamestream media” and “Little Marco” like all the incredible things I’ve said.

It’s like, “Fomp,” what a word. F.O.M.P.

It stands for, uh, Federal Office of Major Pullshit, yeah. That’s a new U.S. government outfit I’m gonna start to get to the bottom of Sleepy Joe Biden’s dumpster fire.

Some lyin’ reporter from the New York Slime claims Elon said it first on X and I’m just parroting him. But that’s fake news disinformation like they’re always hounding me with.

No, “Fomp” – it just blurted out of my mouth like something beautiful. It really is.

Mike Johnson got it right away, and J.D. said, “It’s just brilliant, Sir.” He calls me “Sir.” And they’re both doing a fantastic job.

Pete Hegseth, a combat veteran of our great military, the greatest and most lethal fighting force in the world, came up to me with tears in his eyes. All he could say was, “Thank you,” like in a whisper.

And all the Republican senators, my beautiful majority, they’re all behind it. Tucker Carlson, he’s back in his gig at Fox and he’s saying it too, like, “Fomp, Fomp this and Fomp that.” Bibi plans to include it in his Gaza plans. It could be the name of the new settlement for Palestinians that Ukraine will provide – if they want any support in their negotiations with Vladimir – Fomp.

Y’know, that war would have never started if I’d been in office.

But getting back to my weave here: Fomp is not some weak liberal concept. It’s… it’s grass rootsy, it’s middle America.

I’m thinking I’ll sign a new executive order making Fomp the new name for California, or maybe the Atlantic Ocean – Atlantic, what a tired old name – what is it, Greek?

Yeah, and Fomp would be a fantastic name for a great political party – Y’know, GOP is getting a little tarnished with the likes of lyin’ Liz Cheney and Mitt What’s-his-name, so, uh, maybe I’ll just run on the FOMP ticket in ’28 and ’32.

Nothing’s gonna stop me, not even some impeachable lunatic judge. I’ll be the first person in history to win the election five times. By then America will be great again, so FOMP and me – we’ll take our great country to a future like nobody’s ever seen before. Buy Tesla.

Author
Recent Posts

Humor Times

The Humor Times is the "World's funniest news source!" Sure, we like to inform our visitors, but in a playful sort of way. We believe political satire is one of the best ways to help folks let down their defenses and see things in a new light, as well as to help bring haughty leaders back down to earth. Plus, it's just plain fun! The Humor Times magazine (delivered to your door 12x/year) is a great way to enjoy this brand of humor, it makes a wonderful gift, and SUBSCRIPTIONS are very affordable!