Free Eggs? Easter Bunny Couldn't Do It - Ted Holland, Humor Times

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Easter Bunny breaks silence: No free eggs because “They cost too damn much! Bitch at Trump, not me.”

The venerable Easter Bunny, who annually gives away millions of free eggs at Easter, did not distribute them this year, and explained today that he just couldn’t afford it.

No free eggs - Easter bunny — Photo: Superbass, CC BY-SA 4.0.

In an exclusive interview with SNN Philanthropy reporter Gimmedis Gimmedhat, the Bunny said that between rising egg prices and tariffs, he simply could not dispense free eggs this Easter.

He also stated that rising costs and tariffs will have an an effect on the dolling out by such philanthropists as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the WhompWhomp Angel and Simple Simon’s Pieman.

More Breaking News

Former presidential candidate Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman named to lead new Government D.O.D.T.E. Agency.

President Donald Trump has named former presidential candidate Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman to head up the administrations new Dept of Domestic Terrorist Eradication.

Hoiman says that the department will seek out and destroy persons and entities deemed Domestic Terrorists.

Hoiman listed his top ten entities of Domestic Terror:

10. Jasmine Crockett
9. Cable TV
8. Insurance companies
7. HOA’S
6. WWE
5. Artificial Intelligence
4. TV weather people
3. Automated phone systems
2. Computers
1. US Congress

SNN Words to Live By

“It’s a big messy world.” — Jack McCoy (Sam Waterston), “Law and Order” TV series

“People see you the way they need you.” — Rev. Steven Furtick, Elevation Church.

“People should pass a test to procreate.” — Pro Wrestler Don Callis.

“Americans love cheap crap.” — Kennedy Fox News Channel.

The Question

Who is a “gas, gas, gas”? (Answer in the comments below!)

1. Elon Musk
2. Momo Wantanabe
3. Jasmine Crockett
4. Elmo Sippy
5. Jumpin’ Jack Flash

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.