Romney: ‘Slow and slimy wins the race’
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, inspired by a recent New Scientist article on a Japanese snail that can shed its foot and grow a new one, said he is willing to shed âpretty much any partâ of his platform anyone objects to.
âIf a snail can shed part of its foot when itâs attacked by snakes, I can certainly let go of, say, my former stance on ⊠lots of stuff when attacked,” Romney said. “And then I can grow a new foot, er, a new expensive Italian shoe, no, no, I mean platform to get more people to vote for me.â
âAnd we all know who the snakes in this race are â those apologizing, debt-raising Democrats.â
The candidate denied that he had already begun to adopt the Japanese snail strategy when he said he would keep President Obamaâs two-year deferral policy for young immigrants if elected.
âThat was not shedding a foot,â the GOP candidate declared. âThat was like, I donât know, a toenail maybe. Do snails have toenails? And why is it that only Japanese snails can shed their feet? We need that kind of technology in America!â
After singing âGod Bless Americaâ in his characteristic get-one-note-on-key-per-song voice, he said 47 percent of the population act âjust like snakesâ and that it is up to the snails of the world to make things better for rich people.
The New Scientist article also noted that when Satsuma caliginosa snail sheds part of its foot, it moves even more slowly.
âThis is just part of Romneyâs goal to get someone, anyone, to like him,â an Obama spokesman said. âBut itâs not going to increase his snailâs pace in the polls.â
Romney denied that he was desperate.
âI could be kind of a snake, too, you know, if thatâs what people are looking for,â he said.
Related post: POLL: Who will win the presidential debates?
- ‘FOMP’ – a Fantastic New Word - April 15, 2025
- Mark Carney Declares Himself Prime Minister of Canada - April 8, 2025
- Canadian War Plans Leaked - April 4, 2025
