Congratulations on Your New Diagnosis! (Greeting Cards for Mentals)

It’s true, there are greeting cards for everything these days…

By Roz Warren, Isaac Blum and Kate Stone

Happy birthday to you and all of your personalities.

Hope The Folks Who Are Out To Get You Fail.

Deepest Sympathy for the Loss of your Imaginary Friend.

Happy Anniversary to you and the Cuisinart whose commands rule your life.

Enjoy your trip to Narnia!

Just Wondering — Did you turn the door knob the correct number of times when you left your house this morning?

Congratulations on Skyping With God.

So Glad You’re My Friend! Hope nothing happens to you on Your Way To Work!

Here’s hoping the voices in your head always say nice things.

Congratulations! You alone, out of all of humanity, have been chosen to Survive the Coming Apocalypse.

So glad you’re out of lock-up. May all your dreams come true!

Thinking of You: Sure hope that odd little growth on your back is benign!

So Happy To Hear That You’re Expecting and That The Baby’s Dad is Brad Pitt.

You’re the Center of the Universe? Mazel Tov!

Sorry you’ve been down. There’s nothing you can do about it and nothing to live for anyway!

Happy July Fourth! Hope this is the year Everyone finally Recognizes that you Really Are Betsy Ross.

A New Bundle of Joy! Just What Your Caseworker Needs — A Challenging New Generation.

Feel Better Soon. Your Next Disease is Right Around the Corner.

Congrats on your acquittal. Hope they never figure out where you stashed the bodies.

Welcome To The Neighborhood. We’re All Watching You!

Roz Warren Roz is the author of Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library and Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor. She writes for The New York Times and The Funny Times. Her work also appears in Good Housekeeping, The Christian Science Monitor, The Philadelphia Inquirer and of course, the Humor Times. Connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter or visit her website.