You can spend a lifetime figuring out who you really are. As I approach my 60th birthday, Iâm finally closing in on the truth. At the very least, I know who Iâm not. An avid magazine and newspaper reader, Iâve noticed that the media loves to sum people up with just two words. Like âInternet billionaire.â Or âFamous chef.” (Occasionally, the epithet-makers help themselves to three words: âHealth-enforcing mayor,” anyone?)
I recently began collecting some sobriquets that will never be used to describe me. For good or ill, Iâm never going to be aâŠ
Deranged genius
Renowned adventurer
Disgraced cyclist
Superstar swimmer
Serial sexter
Legendary anchorman
Pop icon
Clueless banker.
Megawatt Star
Doomed aviatrix
Urban gardener
Luv guv
Adulterous multimillionaire
Florida socialite
Republican megadonor
Youtube pioneer, or
Blonde chanteuse
Of course, when it comes to a few of these, I do come close. For instance, Blonde Chanteuse. I am (with salon assistance) a blonde. And the toddlers who attend Storytime at the library where I work love my rendition of âThe Itsy Bitsy Spider.â
And while Iâm not exactly a Superstar Swimmer, Iâm still in the pool every day, executing my plodding but consistent breast stroke.
Disgraced Cyclist? No thanks. I donât need performance enhancing drugs to enjoy a ride around the neighborhood on my one-speeder.
The truth is that Iâm happy with who I am: a Good Mom, Retired Attorney, Published Writer and Part-time Librarian.
Although thereâs still hope that, one of these days, âLottery winner,” or even âPulitzer-winnerâ might apply.
Or perhaps I should just add âIncurable optimistâ to that list.
What about you? If you could describe yourself to the world with just two words, what would they be? Amazing mom? Stellar wit? Fantastic lover?
(Or, if youâre having a bad day, you might want to go with âExploited wage-slave,” âProblem drinker” or âUnhappy home-maker.â)
Go for it! Share your two words in the Comments Section. Be as honest (or as delusional) as you want. Hereâs your chance to establish yourself as a âPiccolo virtuoso,â âInvestment whizâ âUnsung geniusâ or âWorld-class bodybuilder.â
As for me, Iâm going with âSexy librarian.â
(This essay first appeared on www.womensvoicesforchange.org)
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