Public letter from one local business owner to the Sacramento Kings

Hello,

I recently received your nice purple poster in the mail inviting me to discover the answer to the question, “where does your business fit into this picture?” Well, it was a pretty cool looking poster, and it told me I should get on the internet and surf on over to kingsfuture.com/humortimes.

So, of course, I rushed on over there, anticipating perhaps some interesting, creative proposal to involve local businesses with the new Kings season. A call to the community, something like, “we’ve got to all pull together to make this new arena happen and keep the team.” Rah-rah, etc.

Now, I’m not naive, I wasn’t expecting anything too good. But I was rather cautiously optimistic about what I might find.

Imagine my disappointment when, after carefully typing in the url as instructed and hitting enter, I found myself immediately at the regular ol’ Kings website. No “Welcome local business owner” or “Together we can [blah blah],” not a thing about the Kings working with businesses, no link, no button, no story saying anything about how our business might “fit into this picture” or for that matter, any picture of any kind, whatsoever!

I figured that, after all, you must want me to contact you about this “fitting into the Kings picture,” or you wouldn’t have gone to all this trouble. So I looked around, knowing every website has a contact link of some sort. I looked in all the little nooks and crannies where websites hide the contact link when they really would rather not be contacted.

Imagine my frustration, then, that I was not able to find a single one — nor a phone number, nor any way whatsoever of getting in touch with you. In fact, in sending this email, I am only guessing as to what address might work. It probably won’t get through, of course, in which case, you’ve really wasted a lot of my time!

Anyway, I hope your efforts to design, print and mail this lovely poster, as well as the effort to set up that online url forwarding to nba.com/kings, was worth it. Well, come to think of it, I guess that that was probably the least of your efforts. Yup, forwarding is pretty quick and easy to do.

So, congratulations!

All that promotional planning, the bold marketing effort, all the paper and mailing costs… and then, in the end, all you managed to do was get me — and I imagine, quite a few other business owners — staring at your website, in disbelief, and wondering — in that familiar and very fitting web parlance — “WTF?!?!”

Yeah, so, assuming this even gets to someone who gives a darn… just wanna say, great intro to the new season, and I hope the team is better at playing basketball than you are at this kind of stuff. Or more sincere about it, at least.

James Israel
Publisher
Humor Times

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James Israel

The Humor Times founder/publisher/editor/writer may wear a lot of hats, but he likes it that way. Still, his favorite job is writing fake news articles. He is also a musician and songwriter, who plays guitar, mandolin and harmonica, with several CDs to his credit.

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