It's a Small Third World After All: Afghani-Disneyland Reported

Roller-coaster ride of Afghanistan War to be replaced by actual roller-coasters, in a new Disneyland

With the drawing down of U.S and NATO troops in Afghanistan, President Obama put in place the final phase of his Afghan policy, announcing the purchase of Afghanistan by Disney.

“Where is the land they bought? Outside of Kabul?” a New York Times reporter asked the President. “No, I mean they purchased Afghanistan — the whole country,” Obama replied.

Standing by the President, Walt Disney CEO Robert Iger added, “We believe anyplace with that much opium has the potential to truly be the happiest place on earth.”

What are Disney’s plans for the war torn country? Iger revealed the entertainment giant will turn the country into one giant Disneyland theme park: “Normally, when we take over a property we have to demolish all the structures, displace the locals, etcetera, etcetera. But, between the Taliban and NATO all the hard work’s been done.”

Afghani-Disneyland’s rides are reported to include Tora Bora: The Roller Coaster, War Lords of the Poppy Fields, It’s a Small Third World After All, Country Burka Jamboree, Camel Toe Junction and The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pashtun.

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Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of -- winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney's, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog and the Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that's been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul's time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul's "Ripping the Headlines Today" columns here.)