“God, working through his blessed Super PACs, gave us the money to buy Congress, and charged us with reuniting Church and State.” – Rick Santorum
Perpetual religious right presidential candidate and former senator Rick Santorum came out with a brave stance today, saying something his base would totally agree with: Separation of church and state is something only a godless communist would be for.
“Separating church and state is commie and a sin, sayeth the Lord,” said Santorum. “He told me so.”
“King Obama and the Democrat Party would like you to believe our constitution doesn’t allow religion and government to mix, but like Karl Marx’s ‘Communist Manifesto,’ they also think same-sex marriage is cool.” The fact that same-sex marriage does not appear anywhere in the manifesto did not seem to bother him.
“Says who? Karl Marx? He lied about a lot of stuff, so that wouldn’t surprise me,” said Santorum.
“The founders clearly intended that Jesus should sit at the head of Congress, in the same spot the president dares to speak at the State of the Union every year. That’s why we will block Obama from speaking this time,” said Santorum, explaining how government should work.
“Religion should inform all our decisions in government,” he said, “and of course I am referring to the Christian faith here, no heathen religions need apply.”
“Separation of church and state appears nowhere in the Constitution,” said Santorum, repeating a favorite Republican talking point.
When someone reminded him that the First Amendment states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” Santorum answered boldly, with all the aplomb of a true believer who knows he can’t possibly be wrong: “Right, Congress cannot make a law telling us to respect any particular religion. That’s because we are a democracy. We get to vote on which religion will rule.”
When reminded that could result in Jews ruling New York and Mormons ruling Utah, Santorum answered, “I don’t care, let them have their little fiefdoms — we get the federal government!”
“All doubters will receive their just recompense,” he shouted to no one in particular.
Just then, a bolt of lightening struck him and sent him flying 50 feet. After a moment, he got up, looking a bit disheveled, and said, “Hey, that was just a bit of bad weather, any scientist will tell you it’s pure chance.”
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