[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Pope Francis Welcomes Stephen Colbert Back into the Catholic Church

‘Stephen Colbert is on a fast track to sainthood,’ said Pope Francis

Vatican City — Pope Francis announced today that he would personally receive lapsed Roman Catholic Stephen Colbert back into the Church this Christmas. A special ceremony will be held during midnight mass in St Peter’s Cathedral on Christmas Eve.

ā€œStephen Colbert AscendingWe look forward to receiving our Son back into the faith of His Father who art in heaven, peace be upon him,ā€ the Pope’s statement said.

ā€œAnd we hope that many of the millions who now worship Him, especially in the United States, will also follow His Holy Restoration.ā€

A Vatican spokesman later explained that the capitalized personal pronouns in the Pope’s statement referred ā€œto S.C. and not J.C.,ā€ adding however that ā€œthere’s frankly not a lot of difference between them at the moment.ā€

Followers believe that Saint Stephen, as many already refer to him, died on The Colbert Report this week only to be reborn in the Spring as part of ā€œHis Second Comingā€ on the Tonight Show.

A mass sing-along of ā€œWe’ll Meet Againā€ will be held in St Patrick’s Cathedral, New York, at midnight on Christmas Eve, during the Vatican’s induction ceremony. Elvis is not expected to attend.

Michael Egan
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