The Apocalypse is close at hand: a world without Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report
The Apocalypse is close at hand. The signs of the times are showing themselves. I am sure that there is a verse in Revelations that says “…and verily all the good comedians will leave the scene and only darkness shall thereafter be manifest…”
Jon Stewart, primary televised purveyor of jokes and satirist extraordinaire for the entire western hemisphere has announced that he will be leaving his job at The Daily Show sometime this year.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO????????
SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OTHER THAN SLASH OUR WRISTS, THAT IS????????????
The man who we have come to love and trust with exposing the evils of the world in a way that actually makes us laugh is abandoning us.
Bastard…
The father figure who came to supplant our own real father once we realized that he was as ignorant and uncool as a baboon is now disowning us and leaving us to fend off a world we can little understand on our own.
Jerk…
The man who was always there to calm our jangled nerves at the end of a rough work day more thoroughly than any brand of pot or beer ever could and even make us feel that it was all worthwhile will no longer be there for us.
Scumbag… OK, that’s a little too harsh, but Slime bag isn’t…
First Stephen Colbert left his Colbert Report show for the brighter lights of the Ed Sullivan Theater, rending a huge hole in our world and leaving us with a gaping wound that humor used to fill. True, he would still be there late at night on another channel, but it will not be the same Colbert we knew. CBS won’t allow it. You can be edgy, but by contract you have to make more sense at that late hour being on a major television station. You can’t be so subtle when higher profits and lower IQ’s are present.
Now Jon Stewart is also pulling up roots and moving on and not leaving us a forwarding address. It is like that girl you had gotten to know and was willing to marry against your better nature, but she leaves without so much as a goodbye or farewell kiss.
Bitch…
There is now nothing to come home to at night in the vacuous worlds of TV land. We are cast alone on an island surrounded by fools, nuts carrying guns, FOX News addicts with rabies, left wingers with half brains and Brian Williams. Jon Stewart did leave behind that limey guy who has his own show now but who knows if he really has a green card or not.
WOE IS US!!!!!!!!
Maybe Charlie Hebdo would be willing to come out with an American version of their zine…
Or you could read my stuff. I have quite a back log if you look at the archives. Some of it is actually good.
What’s that? Well, be that way…
Scumbags…
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