America in Danger of Facing Internet Outrage Shortage

Strong opinions and internet outrage are in serious danger of being depleted, say outraged experts.

The internet is a great tool in which people can express differing opinions. Sometimes those opinions are strong enough to warrant spirited debate. However, those strong opinions and spirited debates are in serious danger of being depleted.

“America has been the world leader in frivolous internet outrage for quite some time,” said noted physicist Dr. Windy Lest. “Unless we as a nation start relying on alternative means for outrage, America is in serious danger of facing an internet outrage shortage the likes we have never seen.”

The United States had a surplus of outrage during the 1990s. But, during George W. Bush‘s presidency, that outrage was being used at an alarming rate.

It all started in 2004 during the height of social media site MySpace’s popularity. An anonymous poster by the name of “HornyHungDude69” posted “No more blood for oil!” as a status on the site which sparked widespread heated internet debate all over the country. Several cities reported internet outrage blackouts. America had to borrow internet outrage from China to keep up with the growing outrage demand, deepening America’s internet outrage debt to other countries.

“If people would just lower their internet outrage usage by as little as two percent, America’s outrage would be replenished and be used for something useful until the next person gets offended by something on the internet.” Lest added. “If that happens, America can pay back it’s outrage debt and a new surplus of outrage can begin.”

Until that happens, Lest strongly suggests using alternative outrage options like staying off social media for awhile, going outside and getting a life, being happy with what you have, and to stop living vicariously through the lives of vapid celebrities.

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Lee Mays

Comedian, satirist, comedy writer. Founder of The Heathens of Comedy Tour.