Humor Times Poet Laureate Michael Egan composes political tributes to the 2016 candidates
Chris Christie
Chris Christie’s all done, let’s be clear.
From New Jersey we’ve nothing to fear.
The man’s known as a bully
All his crimes exposed fully,
So Chris – get the fuck outa here!
Bernie Sanders
Gotta send my good wishes to Bernie
As he starts on his difficult journey,
Cos he’s straight and he’s true
And an atheist Jew,
And a socialist, not an attorney!
Hillary Clinton
So what can be said about Hill,
Who exists as a surrogate Bill?
Though her heart’s not quite in it
He’s behind her each minute.
Will he be re-elected? He will.
Jeb Bush
And then there is John Ellis Bush
Who’s got the establishment push.
They know that he’ll do
What they need him to do
And keep it all quiet and hush-hush.
Donald Trump
He descends like a deus ex machina
But a con-man in all his demeanor.
He brays and he’s plump,
Is that ass, Donald Trump —
OMG he just sent a subpoena.
Ted Cruz
Here’s Tea Party favorite, Ted Cruz,
Who abuses the great Dr Seuss.
Thinks Obamacare sucks
But enrolls to save bucks!
Let us all just be grateful he’ll lose.
Mike Huckabee
Mike Huckabee wants to be pres,
He’ll get rid of the gays, so he says.
Then he’ll pardon Josh Duggar
Cos he isn’t a bugger
And not caught in media res.
Carly Fiorina
Along comes Ms Carly Fiorina
According to HP, none meaner!
Says she’ll fire us all,
Send the weak to the wall.
Carly president? Nothing’s obscener.
Rand Paul
Let’s sing the sad song of Rand Paul,
The creepiest one of them all.
He talks a good game
But he grovels the same
When the Kochs and the Adelsons call.
Ricks Perry and Santorum
Santorum and Perry, both Rick,
Are equally twisted and sick.
One reeks with ambition,
The other, tradition,
It’s hard to say who’s the worst dick.
Bobby Jindal
Bobby Jindal is ugly as sin
Though he claims all the virtues within.
He invokes the Good Book
But just take a look –
His true values ring hollow as tin.
Scott Walker
From Wisconsin comes Governor Walker
A glib but well-financed big talker.
His greed and ambition
Give the sense of a mission
But he’s just a political stalker.
Marco Rubio
Marc Rubio’s tricky as hell:
He manipulates words very well!
You think that he means
What he says? No, he screens
His real purpose, so no one can tell.
Ben Carson
Ben Carson for president? Why?
Cos he’s black and he thinks he should try?
Not a good enough reason
This political season.
Let us show you the door, Ben – buh bye!
