“Americans donât need the worldâs tired and poor anymore, the countryâs full already” says the bilious-faced billionaire of the Statue of Liberty.
NEW YORK â Building on his role as the leading inmate to take over the GOP asylum, Donald Trump said today that the Statue of Liberty was âa relic of another era and should be retired.â
He suggested the Smithsonian for its new location.
âLook, letâs be realistic,â Trump said at a press conference yesterday, speaking at his usual fourth-grade comprehension level. âItâs not like weâre still in the 19th century. We donât need millions of tired and hungry European workers anymore.
âIn fact, right now we got too many, giving us the worst unemployment figures since the end of slavery in 1932. Well, actually I just retweeted that statistic. Maybe it was 1943. I canât check everything I say for accuracy.â
Trump noted that the âmost dishonestâ part of the Statue of Liberty was âthat terrible, factually inaccurate poem by whatshername Emma Lazarus, you know, send us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, and so on.
“What it should say is, donât send us your rapists, murderers, drug dealers and I suppose some nice people too.â
Confirming his recent diagnosis as a paranoid narcissist, the portly property mogul produced a sheet of paper. âSo I paid this famous poet beaucoup bucks to come up with something more appropriate. Hereâs what she wrote. I think itâs great and we should add it right away:
âNein to your killers, rapists, refugees,
Your tired, your hungry and your poor!
We only take the ones whoâll work for free,
And toil our fields protected by no law
Enriching legal immigrants like me
From sea to shining sea and shore to shore.â
âI just love its use of French,â Trump said, adding amidst laughter that he thought the Statue itself was âunattractive as hell anyway,â and compared its âsneering featuresâ to Carly Fiorinaâs âugly mug.â
âWho could vote for that?â he demanded. âTo think that a face like hers is what the world first sees of us! Actually, I think it looks more like Rubio.â
Trump added that until the statue was permanently removed, its torch of freedom should be immediately extinguished and âthe whole embarrassing thingâ covered over with a giant tarp.
In response to a question, Trump noted that the world-class poet was an American lady who had left the country. She preferred to remain anonymous and, at her request, he would not reveal how much he had paid her.