Breaking: Donald Trump to Dump Melania, Hold 'First Lady Pageant'

The “Dump Trump” campaign becomes “Dump Melania” campaign, after her immigration documents were found to be falsified.

Just as Trump released more invective from the fictional world he continually creates, accusing Huma Abedin of being a security risk because of her sexting husband, a security bombshell has gone off in his own campaign.

While doing background checks, the CIA discovered shocking information about Melania Trump. Her birth certificate and all the documents used to acquire her immigration papers are forgeries, they say.

The CIA has unearthed her true birth certificate and concluded that she was actually born in Russia. The investigation is ongoing, as the agency checks out rumors that Melania is a second cousin of Vladimir Putin.

Needless to say, this has thrown the Trump campaign into panic mode. Trump immediately tweeted that he was seeking an annulment, invoking his prenuptial agreement, and cited her as further proof that “you can’t trust immigrants.”

Ever ready to spin, twist, or do whatever is necessary to win, Trump announced that this was going to open up “a historic opportunity for the women of America.” If elected, he will hold a Miss First Lady Pageant, open to all U.S. born females ages 21 to 35.

Further rules will be announced at a press conference, but preliminary qualifications include a D cup and the ability to give a speech without plagiarizing.

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Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda is a third generation Latina and retired UCLA professor. Tired of cranking out technical articles in a "publish or perish" atmosphere, she now spends most of her time writing adult fiction, children's books, parody, and satire.Her weapon of choice is the limerick, aimed with humor and a touch of malice at society's icons, celebrities, politicians, and other irritating folk.