Owner tells Trump: “Cough up $7 million right now, or it’s ‘Hola Mexico,’ gringo!”
SACRAMENTO â Humor Times editor and publisher, Dr H. Inyore Face, announced today that unless president-elect Donald Trump immediately remits $7 million to his company, he will âreluctantly but inexorablyâ transfer operations to Mexico.
âThe loss to American satire could be devastating,â Inyore Face told a drive-by journalist in his Sacramento office, noting that he earned his nickname after a nasty confrontation years ago on TV with a young and inexperienced Kellyanne Conway, who reportedly left the studio in tears.
âSo are you guys laughing right now?â Inyore said. âWell, forget it, gringos, because all this,â he gestured at his laptop and a cup of cold coffee, âcan and will be lost to the country, and the next issue will be the Tiempos de Humor, completely in Spanish, todo en Espanol, with jokes about Vicente Fox instead of American TV Fox.â
He added: âBesides, I rather like the idea of being called ‘Señor Inyore,’ como decimal in MĂ©jico!âÂ
A spokesman for the Mexican government declined to comment, though he did mutter, âOh mi dios ahora realmente espero por una pared,â which Face translated as âThank God, now this is just what weâve really hoped for.â
Satirists all over the country immediately rallied to Humor Timesâ call, with an avalanche of Iâm Inyore Face! tweets (now trending as #I’mInyoreFace), Facebook posts, Tumblrs, Instagrams and fake news stories.
In France, Charlie Hebdo ran a Je Suis Señor Inyore cover, which sold out yet again.
A Trump Organization spox, or “Trumpeter,” as they are now known, said that the Glorious Leader fully appreciated the valuable role that Humor Times plays in confusing people about whatâs real and whatâs not. He was meeting in emergency session with his entire shadow cabinet right now to see what they could do to persuade Humor Times to stay.
âFor example,â the Trumpeter said, after consulting his cell phone, âhow about instead of $7 million, he sends you a USA baseball cap, shipping and handling not included, plus a free grope if you come by Trump Tower any morning around 3 am, when heâll certainly be up.â
âFuckin’ done, man!â Sr. Inyore enthusiastically agreed. âBut can I substitute Melania for the grope?â