“Restricting extraneous Freedoms of Press, Religion and Speech, and establishing Christianity as the State Religion are also ‘Alt-Word’ permitted,” said Kellyanne Conway, “as is, of course, the quartering of soldiers in your home.”
NYC â Motormouth propagandist Kellyanne Conway, Trumpâs ministress of misinformation, said today that âalternative wordsâ in the Bill of Rights âclearly permit Congress to impose legal restrictions on an unpatriotic and out-of-control lugenpresse.â
Asked to cite the actual language allowing Congress to restrict press and religious liberty, Ms Conway laughed merrily.
âFreedom is in the eye of the beholder,â she said, adding that âciting actual words is what liberals do.â
The First Amendmentâs “Alt-Word” meanings, she noted, “are as clear as the photographs of Mr Trumpâs million-person inauguration.
âJust take a look, and youâll see for yourself.â
The misinformation ministress went on: âThe trick is to view the First Amendment in a shady light. If you squint your eyes and hold it at the right angle, and I do mean the Right angle, youâll see that its Alt-Words reveal numerous restrictions.
âItâs like that blue dress/gold dress thing. You see it one way but Mr Trump sees it another — gold, of course.â
Kellyanne listed some of the First Amendmentsâ alt-word limits. âFor example, you canât shout âDonald Trump is lying, racist, fascist bastard!â in a crowded election,â she said. âEven if itâs true.â
Finally, Ms Conway noted that the inability of some Americans to view the Bill of Rights in the proper light was a âtragic disabilityâ comparable to color blindness or macular degeneration.
The White House would shortly be issuing government âAlt-Readâ spectacles to help disadvantaged citizens who stubbornly continue to see things in the old way.