The Tea Party needs some actual teas: We’re here to help
By Roz Warren and Janet Golden
They call themselves the Tea Party, but so far theyâve failed to party with any actual tea. Until now. Hereâs a list of brand new tea blends for those wacky rabble-rousing right-wingers:
Want a pick-me-up? Try Electric Chair Jolt, the tea that brings the vibe.
Think Mitt shot himself in the foot by waffling on abortion? Try Mitty Mitty Bang Bang tea.

Worried that fence on the Mexican border isnât high enough? Go for some No Hombres Aqui tea.
Longing to bring prayer back to public schools? Amen-a-tea is the brew for you.
Hate Nancy Pelosi and other feminist politicos? Have some Libber-free tea.
Think impoverished folks donât pay enough taxes? Savor a soothing sip of Soak The Poor tea.
In a New Jersey state of mind? Clamor for Chris-tea.
Invited to a gay wedding? Toss that invite away, you homophobe, and grab a cup of No LGB-Tea.
Fanatical in your opposition to abortion rights? Donât just drink a cup of Itâs Not Your Body tea — have someone else pour it down your throat.
Donât know what to think? Whatever you do, donât think for yourself! Instead, turn to Limbaughâs Pundit tea.
Is Newt âfly-me-to-the-moonâ Gingrich starting to sound a little too wacky, even for you? Calm yourself down with soothing San-A-tea.
Canât wait to see a gigantic neon cross on top of the Capitol Building? Savor a cup of Theocra-tea.
Youâre tempted to cheat but donât want to break your marriage vows? Man up with Nervy Newt tea.
Old, angry and bitter? What you need is McCainâs Many Houses tea. Steep for five minutes — and donât forget to drink!
Need a break from candidate robo-calls? Sit back and enjoy a cup of Wasilla Wonderful. Place bag in cup, pour in hot water, grab your gun and go out and shoot a moose. When you return, itâll be ready!
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