Donald Trump Wishes Nation 'Merry Christmas,' Claims He Invented the Phrase

Called reports of previous widespread use of “Merry Christmas” just “fake news.”

President Donald Trump issued a statement today wishing the nation a “Merry Christmas,” while claiming credit for inventing the phrase.

“Melania and I want to wish all of America a Merry Christmas,” President Trump said. “This Christmas is a very special one. In the past, during this time of year, Americans would go around wishing each other ‘happy holidays.’ Lame!

“But now, thanks to me, we have a very special expression just for Christmas. Inventing the expression ‘Merry Christmas’ is my second greatest linguistic accomplishment, right after coming up with ‘priming the pump.‘

Trump disputed reports of widespread use of the phrase “Merry Christmas” prior to his presidency.

“That’s fake news,” Trump said, in an interview with a reporter. “I used the expression long before anyone else did. I remember it very clearly. I was having a conversation with Sean Hannity. I said to him, ‘Sean, you know, a war in Iraq would be a big mistake. But enough about all that. It’s Christmas time, so let me wish you a Merry Christmas. Oh hey, look at that, I just thought of that!'”

Presented nonetheless with instances of prior use of the expression, Trump insisted he was the expression’s true inventor. “Call Sean Hannity! Call Sean Hannity!” Trump said.

Vice President Mike Pence then entered the room and said, “Mr. President, let me handle this. Let me just say, I am so immensely proud to serve this great man, Donald Trump, the inventor of Christmas.”

“I only invented the phrase, Mike,” Trump said. “Dial it down a little.”

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Jeff Cahlon

Jeff Cahlon is an attorney and writer in New York. He writes political and social commentary and satire. Jeff has written over 40 articles that have been published on over a dozen different websites, including several leading humor/satire websites. Jeff has been named a "Top Writer in Satire" on Medium.