Trump's Post-White House Business Plan: Mr. T's Hair Salon

The president knows he may not be in the White House long – Here’s his after-White House business plan!

Everyone wants great hair. I mean really great hair. The kind of hair that makes people stop and look and say “Wow, look at that great hair.” But very, very few people ever hear that, very rare, very, very rare, at least until now. Now, with my new business plan, everyone can have that kind of hair, and it’s going to be great.

business plan, image by donkeyhotey — Donald Trump, by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

Look, if there’s one thing I know its hair. Every day people stop and stare and point to my hair. They want to touch it and inspect but they can’t, makes them sad, very sad. “I want to touch your hair,” they say, and I say no. I say you can have your own great hair that you can touch, then they feel much better. You see I’m better at hair than everyone else, everyone else in the world. I’m hair man number one. Believe me.

Some people say Koreans have good hair. And they do. But it’s only good hair, not great. But now even that’s gonna change because Mr. T’s is going international. And the first stop is North Korea. Surprised? Don’t be because I had a friend who was Korean and one of the reasons he liked me, besides the lots of other reasons to like me, was because of my hair. Once there was a crisis then there wasn’t because of great hair. My genius with hair saved the day. I’m sure of it. In politics this kind of deal making is called diplomacy and I’m better at that than anyone else. Believe me.

The best hair in the world is Norway Hair, which is the hair that real people from Norway have and the hair that I have. Great hair! I had a friend from Norway and the last time I saw her she looked at me, smiled and shook her head probably because she could see I had Norway Hair too. And she didn’t have to ask if she could touch my hair because she had her own great hair to touch. That’s why I tell everyone it’s good to have friends from different places but its great to have friends from Norway.

Why am I on a mission to make my genius for hair available to everyone? Well sharing is caring, I think that’s from the Bible, a book I know very well, or it may be something I made up which isn’t surprising because I’m responsible for saying so many great things, but either way I take that kind of advice to heart. I’m a caring person, maybe the most caring person in the country. Just ask coal miners, who are really great Americans even though all that coal dust and dirt makes it real hard for them to have great hair. Coal miners will tell you that my kind of caring starts at the top, which makes sense ‘cause that’s where you can find my great hair.

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Larry Dell

Larry Dell is a writer, artist and former public relations executive. He was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY and currently resides in East Orange, NJ. Previously, he was the arts and entertainment reporter for "The Local," a NY Times website covering several northern N.J. towns.