The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Buckwheat

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Buckwheat from The Little Rascals.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Through the magic of a hologram, live from heaven my guest is Buckwheat from The Little Rascals.

JERRY

Hey, my man. Spanky and Alfalfa were supposed to bring you a dozen donuts.

BUCKWHEAT

Chubby ate dem.

JERRY

What?! All dozen donuts?

BUCKWHEAT

Uh huh. And he ate Panky and Alpalpa.

JERRY

My condolences. I’ll get more donuts.

BUCKWHEAT

Okie dokie. I like dat.

JERRY

What is your job in heaven?

BUCKWHEAT

I count how many times Trump lies.

JERRY

You mean he might not get to heaven?

BUCKWHEAT

Dat’s what the boss man’s tinkin.

JERRY

What’s the biggest lie Trump told?

BUCKWHEAT

Dat he’s smart. Trump said “I know more about ISIS than the Generals. Believe me!” And den he lied and said, “Buckwheat grew up, became a Muslim, and changed his name. He now goes by Kareem of Wheat.”

JERRY

(laughs) That’s a joke.

BUCKWHEAT

O-tay, but I don’t find it funny. I say to da Trumpster, your wife’s arm pits are so hairy that it looks like she has me in a headlock.

JERRY

How long were you in The Little Rascals?

BUCKWHEAT

From 1933 to 1944. I was Stymie’s little sister. When he left the series, I became a boy.

JERRY

That’s a lot of films, fella.

BUCKWHEAT

52 shorts, Mr. Bumpkin.

JERRY

It’s Duncan, you idiot. Jerry Duncan.

BUCKWHEAT

O-tay, Berry Duncan. Meet the one and only Betty Boop.

JERRY

Berry? The man is hopeless.

BOOP

Hi Mr. Duncan.

JERRY

Call me Jerry, babe.

BOOP

Hi Jerry Babe. Boop-Oop-a-Doop.

JERRY

Betty. Your head is so big, your ears are in different time zones.

BOOP

You hurt my feelings. I’m a star.

JERRY

No wonder you have a big head. It’s so big that if you did fly, the airlines would charge an extra $25 to bring it aboard.

BOOP

Wise guy! I’m the first person who put sexy in women’s fashions. Short skirt, low top, high heels.

JERRY

You’re a Donald Trump fantasy.

BOOP

Are you talking about the orange president who looks like he has a squirrel sitting on top of his head?

JERRY

That’s the dude.

BOOP

I need an Alka-Seltzer. The thought makes me cringe.

JERRY

Hey, Betty. What’s the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

BOOP

I don’t know.

JERRY

If Trump gets Alzheimer’s his IQ will go up.

BOOP

I knew that. I took too long to answer cause I was dancing to the ringtone on my cell phone.

JERRY

You’re the crazy aunt your family warned about.

BOOP

Don’t mess with me, Duncan. I know Popeye and he’ll be waiting to punch your lights out if you ever get to heaven. Boop-Oop-a-Doop.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

Author
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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.