Speed Dating is not half bad – here’s my take on it.
By the way – I hate that saying ‘You have to talk to a lot of Frogs before you can rub their belly’.
Oh, I shouldn’t have? No wonder they didn’t call! ha ha
You know Speed Dating is not half bad – it’s almost like meeting on a Bus but without all that bumping into Erogenous Zones business.
Feel free to change Bus to Train, Trolley, Subway or Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart!
And, what’s more Romantic than a Name Tag & a Scorecard?
You’ve seen it played out in movies & TV – but in real time; it still looks like it’s the most revolting way to date a Sociopath!
And, they give you advice:
‘Do show some skin – wherever you wish; but not too much. Choose one area & cover the rest’.
I was so confused, I showed up in torn jeans & mukluks!
They also said, ‘When in doubt; wear Red’. People are such Sheep – when I got there; I thought my eyes were bleeding!
First of all, I’m not desperate or anything – this was solely for Research & to make everyone else I date look better!
Well, I just came back from my first & last foray into ‘Speed Dating’ & none of the guys knew I’d be writing this – my little secret.
How did I get ready for this? Well, first – I airbrushed myself!
Don’t laugh – try taking 30 years off in one night!
5 minutes to sell yourself? And, you have to see if there’s a spark!
Not even enough time to check his criminal record, his car in the parking lot or see if he has a tan line around his ring finger!
Actually, in some cases; 5 minutes is too long – after 4 minutes, that last minute seems like you’re stuck in traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel, your ears just popped & your car is just sitting there leaking oil!
More than anything – you have to ask the right questions that cut to the chase – without referring to money, religion or Political Party!
So, my 1st questions was “Do you like sex”? Too Soon?
Just kidding – what I really asked was “Can you talk fast”?
What happens is – the women sit down at a table & a dozen men come to your table one by one. When the dinger goes off; the first man gets up, you rate him on a sheet of paper & he does the same – and then the next guy does the same thing.
After an hour & a half, the Host gathers the papers & runs off with your money – no, he contacts you if there’s a Match & you get to exchange phone numbers!
They say, when ‘The Dinger’ goes off, the guy should say goodbye properly – not run to the next table like Secretariat!
All in all, it was a most enlightening night – so thank G-d & GE…for dim bulbs!
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