County Joe's 'Fixin' to Die Rag' Rebooted for Iran

The iconic County Joe song from Woodstock, rewritten for our modern Iran dilemma.

Back in the height of the Vietnam era, a little ditty made it onto the airwaves that protested the undeclared war in a darkly humorous way. It was called the “I Feel Like I’m Fixin’ To Die Rag” by Country Joe and the Fish, and it became a theme for the war protest movement. Performing it at Woodstock thrust it to national attention and made it an anthem of counter culture America of the ’60’s.

Now it belongs to the history of Hippie lore of that turbulent era, but I have pulled it out of the attic chest, aired it out a bit and present it here in a reincarnated form for our modern political situation.

I offer it to you readers and songsters to peruse given our current pre-occupation with yet another uppity foreign country that we can’t quite keep under our thumb. Washington war-hawks who strangely don’t have any military experience themselves are screaming to start another war which we, the uncombed masses, will have to fight for them. Here is an answer to their insistence:

Country Joe’s “Fixin’ To Die Rag” for this generation:

Well, c’mon all you big strong men
Uncle Sam needs your help again,
he’s got himself in a terrible jam
way off yonder in I-Iran.
So put down your books and pick up a gun,
We’re gonna have a whole lotta fun!

Chorus:

And its one, two, three,
what are we fightin’ for?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn
next stop is I-Iran!
And its five, six, seven
open up the pearly gates,
Well, there ain’t no time to wonder why
Whoopee! We’re all gonna die!

Bolton says we must change the regime
before it gits even more extreme.
Why can’t we do what we done in ’41
without even using a single gun?
Depose the guy who would have made it free
and brought about Iranian democracy
and instead put into their Casbah
a toady that they called ‘The Shah’.

Pahlavi got things done the way we said
leaving many tortured or even dead
until the Persians had had enough
and also started to play a little rough.
Going back to their Islamic roots
they kicked the Shah out with both their boots
And brought in someone also a meanie
I believe his name was something Khomeini.

We wondered why they hated us so
but the time came to reap what we’d sowed.
They got bold and a little bit sassy
and came and grabbed our embassy,
glued together the secret documents
telling how we screwed with their government.
Since then we’ve been each others worst nightmare
threatening each other on a dare.

We screwed them, they screwed us
is the cause of this whole big fuss
Obama wanted to forgive and forget
but Trump wants to drive them to debt.
If we hold life to be so dear
we need to relax before it all goes nuclear.

So if Don and John want to go a round
and pound Iran into the ground
Give them the chance to prove their mettle
before starting another soup in a Mideast kettle
put uniforms on these chicken-hawks
send them to fight then watch how they squawk.
Let the two who want the war the most
See what its really like, then see if they boast.

Whoopee!

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Roger Freed

rfreed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor
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