The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Kamala Harris

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews California Senator Kamala Harris.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is U.S. Senator Kamala Harris from the great state of California.

JERRY

Good morning, Senator.

KAMALA HARRIS

Morning.

JERRY

I gotta know. How did you get the name Kamala?

HARRIS

I’m glad you asked. I was born on Hump Day, so my parents named me Kamal like a camel and added an a. My dad and mom were very imaginative, but didn’t know how to spell the word.

JERRY

So imaginative that your old man left the house when you were seven.

HARRIS

Yeah. My parents got divorced over religious differences. Dad thought he was God, and mom didn’t.

JERRY

You’re 54 years old. You were the District Attorney for San Francisco for 7 years then elected Attorney General of California for 6 years. And it gets better, the U.S. Senator in 2016 replacing Barbara Boxer.

HARRIS

I’m the first Jamaican and Indian member of Congress.

JERRY

What do you call a doped-up Jamaican?

HARRIS

My dad?

JERRY

Tokemon!

HARRIS

I’m also Indian. My mom is from Madras. Are you gonna make fun of her, too?

JERRY

What do you think? Ba ha ha.

HARRIS

There’s an old saying in India. When you throw a stone you hit a dog, or a software engineer.

JERRY

Why do you wanna be president of the United States?

HARRIS

I feel a sense of responsibility to fight for the best of who we are. I believe in housing and college affordability, middle class tax cuts, immigration and criminal justice overhauls, Medicare for All, and replacing Orange with a Black in the White House.

JERRY

Would you ever accept a vice president position?

HARRIS

Are you telling me that a woman is somehow not qualified for the job she’s actually seeking?

JERRY

(embarrassed) Err.

HARRIS

I think any of the men would be a fine running mate for veep. I’d like to see things from your point of view, but can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.

JERRY

Trump called you “nasty” after you grilled Attorney William Barr in The Mueller Report Senate hearing.

HARRIS

Barr got caught in a lie when I asked him if Trump or anyone at the White House suggested investigating the investigators. The Mueller Report was clear. There were 10 documented incidents of obstruction by the president. Like the Russian connections to the Trump campaign, Trump firing FBI director James Comey when he wouldn’t pledge loyalty, and asking Comey to go lightly on National Security Advisor Michael Flynn.

JERRY

What do you think Trump means by the word “nasty”?

HARRIS

That’s a question for Stormy Daniels.

JERRY

Okay. Then why does Stormy Daniels wear panties?

HARRIS

No clue.

JERRY

To keep her ankles warm.

HARRIS

Duncan, this president isn’t trying to make America great. He’s trying to make America hate. It is critical to our security, dignity and unity as a nation when I say we need a new president.

JERRY

Marijuana, marijuana, marijuana.

HARRIS

Yes, marijuana! Join the marijuana movement. It’s a joint effort.

JERRY

Tell me something I don’t now about Kamala Harris.

HARRIS

Growing up I sang in a Baptist choir, but had a lousy voice. My mother reminded me that if the windows shattered, we didn’t have insurance. I stuck to playing with Barbie dolls.

JERRY

Man. I remember when Barbie was the only girl made of plastic. See you tomorrow everyone.

Author
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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.