Shock and Awe: An Excerpt from the New Book by James Nowlan

,

“Shock and Awe” is a hoot!

Shock and Awe
Cover of “Shock and Awe” by James Nowlan.

I was a member of the Underground Literary Alliance with James Nowlan. I enjoyed his novel called Security, so I was delighted to stumble across this new novel recently, Shock and Awe. It is a hoot!

In it, he satirizes politics and religion — you know, the things that you’re supposed to avoid talking about with other people. The novel is guaranteed to upset everyone who is too uptight across the political and religious spectrum. I especially enjoyed the unpredictability of the plotting. I never quite knew what to expect next from the book. I mean any book that has hipsters in Brooklyn forming an army is bound to surprise.

— Wred Fright

Excerpt: High Flying Commander in Pussyhound

Amy’s problems were the furthest thing from President Krump’s mind. Cruising at thirty thousand feet over the Atlantic, he was getting ready to get high. He chopped and mixed some heroin and cocaine before loading it into a pipe to smoke it. As he exhaled the residue of the toxic vapor, a secret service agent stood gravely at attention ready to intervene in case the commander-in-chief drugged himself into a cardiac arrest. Instead of having a heart attack, the most powerful man on the planet just stretched his head towards the ceiling in euphoria as the narcotics hit his brain. “You know, I found out in the eighties that speedballs are the thing; if you want to be up put some more C in the mix; if you want to come down add some H.”

“Yes, Mister President,” responded the highly-trained bodyguard stoically.

“Oh, but you don’t know, do you? It’s against regulations.”

“Correct sir, we pass all kind of examinations to make sure we’re not using.”

“Too bad, I was going to offer you some.”

The agent was unable to keep a slightly pained expression from crossing his face.

“Ha, ha, I was just playing with you, my boy,” slurred his intoxicated ward. “Why don’t you bring those new girls in?”

The agent went to the end of the palatial flying playroom, and after sliding an exotic wood door open, led in three young women with Slavic features dressed in artfully-designed red, white, and blue stewardess uniforms that showed off their shapely figures. They looked about them, seeming a bit at a loss. “So, ladies let’s get naked!” the leader of the free world ordered. When they appeared not to understand, he held up his finger for them to wait and pulled out a cellphone. “Hey, darling, how’s it going? Did you hit the gym?” He nodded thoughtfully while listening to the response. “Well, I’ve some new girls working here who don’t seem to know what’s up. Can you straighten them out?” After some more nodding, he passed the cellphone to the nearest of his lovely and bewildered employees.

“Da, da,” said the young beauty into the device which she held as if unaccustomed to it then passed it back to the commander-in-chief and began unbuttoning her blouse, making a sign to the two others that they should follow her lead. Soon the four of them were frolicking like wild nudes in a live porno show, the drug-fueled sexagenarian just managing to keep up with his partners. The agent stared rigidly out a porthole until the plane turned and the skyscrapers of Manhattan came into view.

“We’re approaching New York, sir,” he informed his commander-in-chief.

The playful president bounded over to the small oval window and pressed his nose up against it in eagerness, then loped back to the rotating bed and began jumping up and down on it. “New York City! Now the party is really going to begin! Wahoo! Wahoo! Wahoo!”

“Woooo! Woooo! Woooo!” went the three girls, trying to imitate his exclamation, but sounding like wolves howling at the moon.

Humor Times
Latest posts by Humor Times (see all)
Share
Share