The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Mick Mulvaney

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Mick Mulvaney, Acting Chief of Staff for Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guest today is Mick Mulvaney, Director of Office of Management and Budget for the Trump White House.

MICK MULVANEY

And Acting Chief of Staff.

JERRY

Nobody cares, you idiot. You’re going to get fired by the Trumpster any day.

MULVANEY

It’s okay. General Mills called and they want me to be the new leprechaun on the Lucky Charms cereal box.

JERRY

Okay. You’re Irish. What’s an Irish seven course meal?

MULVANEY

I don’t know.

JERRY

A six pack and a potato.

MULVANEY

Talk about my record, smart aleck.

JERRY

It ain’t pretty. You claim to be a conservative. Yet, you expanded the deficit like a drunken sailor with tax cuts and increased spending in an unusually high period of economic expansion.

MULVANEY

Nobody cares about deficits including my beloved leader Donald Trump.

JERRY

The same guy you said was a terrible human being before he was nominated for president in 2016.

MULVANEY

I plead the fifth.

JERRY

No. You drank a fifth. On October 17, you said in a press conference that military aid to the Ukraine was in fact tied to the Trumpster’s demand for an investigation into the 2016 election.

MULVANEY

And I corrected myself later that day.

JERRY

Some people are beautifully wrapped in boxes of shit.

MULVANEY

Are you talking to me?

Th studio door bursts open.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP

I’m talking to you, Fumblin Dublin. You’re fired!

MULVANEY

On what grounds?

TRUMP

For being born stupid. I’m getting impeached because of you.

JERRY

Yes. The Mick is responsible. But so is Bill Taylor, top U.S. diplomat in in Ukraine; Alexander Vindman, top Ukraine expert on National Security who listened in on your call with Ukrainian President Zelensky; Gordon Sondland, the Ambassador to the European Union; and an endless list of people who witnessed your demand for dirt on Joe Biden and his son Hunter.

TRUMP

I don’t know these men. Are they on The Bachelor?

JERRY

Well, here’s the big surprise. Ladies and gentlemen, Giuliani associate Lev Parnas.

LEV PARNAS

I testify against Trump. He throw me under bus.

JERRY

It was an extortion shakedown scheme, Parnas. Do you understand the gravity?

PARNAS

Yes. Shake down good with burger and fries. No gravy.

TRUMP

If this is the best witness the Dems got, I win.

PARNAS

You order Melania from me. I ship for free.

TRUMP

Now I remember. I asked for Nicole Kidman.

PARNAS

Was out of red heads. I send brunette.

TRUMP

Your mail order business sucked.

PARNAS

I know. Go down tubes like Trump casino.

PARNAS

Trumpster. What do brunettes miss most about great party?

TRUMP

I don’t know.

PARNAS

The invitation.

TRUMP

Deport this man. He’s stealing jokes.

MULVANEY

Can I keep my job, Your Highness?

TRUMP

Next time I want shrimp for dinner, I’ll call you.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.