A key member of the Bernie Sanders campaign — the hair stylist — has suddenly resigned.
The chief hair stylist for Bernie Sanders, Vermont Senator and presidential candidate, abruptly quit over the weekend. He cited an âoverwhelming workloadâ in trying to manage the self-described democratic socialistâs hair during the ongoing presidential campaign.
âItâs like it has a mind of its own. It just wonât stay put!â remarked the stylist, John Kemptlooker, becoming emotional. âI see those wisps in my dreams. Make it stop!â
Bernie Sanders has long been known for his unkempt look. According to the hair stylist, he and Sanders had agreed on trying a different hair style for the 2020 campaign: combed. That plan, however, quickly fell apart.
âI saw him on television making a speech,â Kemptlooker recalled. âOne wispy lock came loose, then another. Before I knew it, we had a crisis on our heads â I mean, our hands. During the break, I tried to straighten things out, but the damage was done. He had gone from United States senator to opinionated grandfather.â
The Sanders campaign has not responded to our calls for comment. A spokesperson, however, issued a brief statement shortly after the news broke, saying, âWhile weâre sad to lose any member of the team â especially one this critical â weâre more jealous than anything. I keep finding gray hairs in my lunch and itâs really freaking me out.â
When asked what he plans to do next, the stylist responded, âI think Iâll take some time off, maybe visit a retreat. Keep my hands out of hair until Iâm emotionally and spiritually healed. Then, maybe Iâll move out to Los Angeles, see if folks like Larry David could use my services. What could go wrong?â
