The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Trumpsters Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are Trumpsters Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd.

JERRY

Good morning, Looney Tunes.

ELMER FUDD

Gweat gwasshoppers! I’m weally on The Jerry Duncan Show!

YOSEMITE SAM

I’m the meanest, toughest hombre that’s ever crossed the Rio Grande. And I ain’t namby-bamby! Don’t insult my president, Duncan.

JERRY

Yosemite. You’re a Trump supporter. Even campaigning for him.

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YOSEMITE

I have a huge following called Rubes for Boobs. We support Republican candidates runnin in the 2020 election. Last night, we all went huntin for rabbits. Didn’t bag one. Shucks, I was dyin for some rabbit stew.

ELMER

Did you say wabbits? You should of invited me. Wabbits wuv carrots. That’s how you find em, Yosemite.

JERRY

I disagree, but I respect your right to be stupid.

ELMER

Shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet! I’m hunting cwazy people today. You better wun, Duncan.

JERRY

Yosemite. I’m curious. Why did you grow a moustache?

ELMER

I know. Because he wanted to wook wike his mother.

YOSEMITE

I’ll blast your head off for saying that Fuddy.

ELMER

Sowy. Huh-huh-huh-huh.

YOSEMITE

Fudd and me are campaigning door to door for Trump. We want to reach the high school dropouts. He promises to give them Walmart greeter jobs. Let’s Make America Great Again in 2020.

JERRY

What does a dropout and an unvaccinated child have in common?

YOSEMITE

How would I know?

JERRY

They never get past the fourth grade.

Sam pulls out a pistol and fires.

YOSEMITE

All right wise guy. Dance!

Fires the gun again.

YOSEMITE

Dance for your supper!

JERRY

Okay. But don’t have a meltdown. I have two left feet.

The studio door bursts open. Bugs Bunny enters.

BUGS BUNNY

Ehhh. What’s up, Doc?

JERRY

Trump got impeached by the House.

BUGS

That’s cool. Hey, Yosemite. If nothing goes right, try going left.

YOSEMITE

You mean Bernie Sanders?!

ELMER

Kiww da wabbit!

JERRY

Not in my studio. You two morons have two minutes to make your case to re-elect Trump.

YOSEMITE

All right. All right. Don’t rush me, cause I’m thinkin. And my head hurts.

ELMER

The Twumpster doesn’t wike cwitters.

YOSEMITE

He don’t even like dogs.

JERRY

I’m suspicious of people who don’t like dogs. But I totally trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person.

ELMER

Huh-huh-huh-huh.

YOSEMITE

People is workin. The economy boomin.

JERRY

A 23 trillion dollar deficit, you John Bolton look alike. Most of it since Trump became president.

ELMER

He has the sowution. Cut entitlements. No more medicare and social secuwity.

YOSEMITE

Let the seniors eat cake.

ELMER

And wabbits.

JERRY

That’s cruel even for a Republican.

LMER

Welcome to Twump’s Amewica.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

Author
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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.