Exclusive Report: Sixties Dance Craze Can Cure Coronavirus

SNN reports stunning discovery: Sixties dance craze can cure a variety of diseases, including COVID-19.

In an SNN (Slobovian News Network) Exclusive Report, it has been announced that the coronavirus can be cured by doing the popular sixties dance craze, the Twist.

This was recently discovered by Dr. Buncha Krappski, head of the Slobovian National Health Foundation. He says that a patient who twisted for approximately 60 hours rid themselves of any previous virus symptoms.

Dr. Krappski noted the dance must be done to the original version of the Twist, by Hank Ballard and The Midnighters. In clinical trials, the more popular version by Chubby Checker did not seem to produce the same results. In fact, some patients who danced to the Checker Twist complained of having onsets of Liver Chafing.

The doctor also warned that participants must dance six feet apart until they are cured.

In addition, Dr. Krappski, along with Dr.Vilma Schmellesbadde of the SBA (Slobovian Boogaloo Association), report that many a sixties dance craze can cure common human ailments. Specifically, they produced this list of dances and the diseases that they can cure:

The Locomotion: Obesity
The Watusi: Diabetes
The Boogaloo: AIDS
The Frug: Psoriasis
The Monkey: Strep Throat
The Pony: Arthritis
The Hitch Hiker: Acne
The Fly: High blood pressure
The Camel Walk: Ingrown toenail
The Wobble: Jock itch
The Humpback: VD
The Dog: Constipation
The Harlem Shuffle: Scabies
The Mashed Potatoes: Dandruff
The Swim: Toothache
The Hully Gully: Nearsightedness
The Jerk: Common headache
The Monster Mash: Migraine headache
The Madison: Diverticulitis
The James Brown: Bipolar Disorder

Dr. Krappski also said that watching reruns of American Bandstand eases dementia.

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.