WHO's to Blame? - David Martin, Humor Times

A recent meeting in the Oval Office:

Mike Pence: Mr. President, I understand you’re looking to blame someone for this crazy pandemic.

Donald Trump: That’s right, Mike.

Mike Pence: Well, then, who’s to blame?

Donald Trump: Yes, exactly. WHO’s to blame.

Mike Pence: That’s what I’m trying to help you with. Clearly someone is at fault and we’ve gotta figure out who.

Donald Trump: We know it was WHO. The question is how.

Mike Pence: I’m not following you, Mr. President. Until we know who did it, we can’t figure out how.

Donald Trump: Sometimes you’re as dumb as Eric, Mike. I told you; WHO is to blame. W-H-O. Who.

Mike Pence: Well, as I recall, you’ve often blamed Obama. Is he the one responsible?

Donald Trump: Of course he shares the blame but WHO bears the most responsibility.

Mike Pence: I don’t know sir. What about Hillary? Is she to blame?

Donald Trump: Sure, both her and Xi could be behind this. But WHO for sure.

Mike Pence: Maybe you’re thinking of China. Are they to blame?

Donald Trump: Obviously, Mike, but WHO is the worst.

Mike Pence: I thought you always said the Democrats were the worst. Maybe we should blame the Dems.

Donald Trump: That’s a no-brainer, Mike, but WHO has to take the lion’s share of the blame.

Mike Pence: I’m not following you, Mr. President. I’ll try to think outside of the box. Maybe it has something to do with Putin?

Donald Trump: Something you put in a box? What kind of nonsense is that, Mike?

Mike Pence: No, your friend from Russia, Putin.

Donald Trump: I don’t have a Russian friend to put in a box. What the hell are you talking about?

Mike Pence: Well maybe it was that guy up north, Justin.

Donald Trump: Just in? What’s just in?

Mike Pence: No, sir, I hate to correct you but it should be who’s Justin.

Donald Trump: Yes, obviously. WHO’s just in as the prime candidate. Don’t take this the wrong way, Mike, but you can be awfully thick sometimes.

Mike Pence: OK, let me just make one more suggestion. As for someone to blame, could it be Sessions?

Donald Trump: You mean the sessions of Congress? That’s a possibility but I think the governors are a better choice. But if you want a prime candidate at fault then I still say it’s WHO.

Mike Pence: I give up, Mr. President. If we keep going, I will be at a loss.

Donald Trump: Maybe you’re right, Mike. Maybe we should blame Wilbur Ross or Betsy DeVos or…….

Mike Pence: Goodnight, Mr. President.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.