A Trump-Friendly Précis of John Bolton's Book

Exclusive: Publisher’s Trump-friendly précis of the book.

“[Trump] said he had not read the book.”
— The Sydney Morning Herald, June 16, 2020

John Bolton’s book The Room Where It Happened has been released and exposes all manner of wrongdoing by President Trump. Trump has said that he has not read the book and, at almost 600 pages, it’s not likely he ever will — which is why Bolton’s publisher Simon & Schuster has decided to simultaneously release a Trump-friendly précis summarizing in Seussian verse the main points of the book:

Dear Mr. President, I urge you to read
The book that I’ve written with due haste and speed.

You might be confused by the title’s abstractness
But the room that I mention is your own Oval Office.

For it’s there you’ll recall that we dumped on Islam
And I tried to convince you to just bomb Iran.
But you never relented despite my best tries
And instead just pursued your big mountain of lies.

Everyone knows about Ukraine and Biden
But the Dems were too sloppy and missed what you’re hiding.

They gave a big pass on Putin and Xi
And forgot all about your hotels overseas.
Not to mention your good friends the Arabian Saudis
Who never it seems have to account for the bodies.

And then there’s the nonsense with your pal Kim Jong Un
The insane guy you’ve let build a nuclear bomb.

I can’t help but list all your lies and tirades
Your shouting, your cheating, your verbal fusillades.
It’s amazing how fortunate you are on this score
That the House Democrats didn’t charge you with more.

It’s truly surprising that you were never aware
Your Cabinet was laughing behind your blonde hair.
Mattis and Tillerson and even Pompeo
Mocked you in secret for your lack of a credo.

But I always found them to be disaffected
For your belief was whatever would get you elected.

Now I know you’re not happy about my new book
And you think I’m no more than a political crook.
But even if I never receive one thin dime
I hope my exposé will help you do time.

I’m guessing you’re angry, perhaps downright molten
Let’s just say that’s a present from your ex-pal John Bolton.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.