The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany.

ANNOUNCER

From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany.

JERRY

Hi Kaleigh.

KAYLEIGH MCENANY

I promise I will never lie to you.

JERRY

You made a comment in 2015 that it was “unfortunate and inauthentic to call Trump a Republican.”

MCENANY

No. I said Trump is from Dublin.

JERRY

You just lied. I got it on tape.

MCENANY

It’s not a lie if you believe it.

JERRY

How is the administration dealing with the coronavirus?

MCENANY

That ship sailed. We’re reopening our economy. Unemployment is dropping.

JERRY

But as a result, coronavirus is rising. The president hasn’t done anything to help. We don’t have enough testing, masks, protective gowns and ventilators. Over two million people are positive.

MCENANY

It’s better to be positive than someone who is always negative. You know what they say. Feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a Corona.

JERRY

At least Finland takes the coronavirus seriously. They just closed their borders. You know what that means?

MCENANY

No one will be crossing the finish line. Aren’t I smart? Graduated from Harvard law school.

JERRY

Okay, Smart Ass. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

MCENANY

No.

JERRY

The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup.”

MCENANY

I don’t think that was on my final exam.

Former White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders bursts through the studio door.

SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS

I want my job back, Stick Legs!

MCENANY

Nobody invited you here, Tubby!

JERRY

Hold on, Ladies. Be civil to each other. You’re both losers. I know your egos were crushed when you weren’t cast for the movie Stan and Ollie.

SANDERS

Don’t insult me. My dad is an important member of the Republican Party.

MCENANY

You mean Colonel Sanders, the fried chicken guy?

SANDERS

Mike Huckabee. The former Governor of Arkansas. He had his own TV Show on Fox News for seven years.

MCENANY

So? That’s not even news. Oops.

SANDERS

What does your dad do?

MCENANY

He’s a roofer.

SANDERS

I’d tell you a joke about roofers, but it’s over your head.

JERRY

You two idiots share the same values. Against LGBTQ, women having children out of wedlock, want God in public school classrooms. You’re on the wrong side of history.

MCENANY

You know nothing about American history, Duncan.

JERRY

Prove it.

MCENANY

Why did Columbus cross the ocean?

JERRY

To get to the other tide.

MCENANY

Wrong. The directions weren’t pacific.

JERRY

Close.

MCENANY

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

JERRY

Liberty.

MCENANY

I’ll give you that one. It’s dangerous to drink tea. Native Americans used to drink too much of it and drowned in their Tee Pees.

MCENANY

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

JERRY

Pilgrims.

SANDERS

Duncan knows his history. When I was in school, I was great in history. Oh wait, no I wasn’t. That’s why I got hired by Trump.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

Author
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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.