Ending It All: Bunker Election Night Blues - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

Unlike other infamous couples in history sealing their fate by ending it all – this twosome left a transcript!

ending it all

Being that ending it all is an option, Donald & Melania Trump clutch their capsules, say their goodbyes & wait for the Presidential Election results.

November 3, 2020 – The White House Bunker

DONALD TRUMP

Here, take this when I tell you.

MELANIA

Why do you have two?

DONALD

I’m in better health & one might not do it!

MELANIA

You first.

DONALD

And, they say Slovanians don’t have a sense of humor!

Banging on door.

MIKE PENCE

Let me in!

DONALD

Shh…ignore him.

MELANIA

Are you sure Eva Braun started this way?

DONALD

That woman was a bigger tramp than you.

MELANIA

Stop – you know that turns me on!

DONALD

One for the road?

MELANIA

No, I told you pebbles really hurt!

DONALD

Then how about a…

MELANIA

Nope – my Pre-Nup says I don’t have to.

DONALD

Aw…thought you would for old times sake.

MELANIA

‘Old Times Sake’ for me is BLT.

DONALD

Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato?

MELANIA

No. Before Lyin’ Trump!

DONALD

You know I can’t help it.

MELANIA

I know – but others aren’t waiting to get a windfall like me.

DONALD

About that ‘windfall’…

MELANIA

Did I miss small print?

TRUMP

No. This ‘bunker thing’ sorta cancels it out & two – I got legal problems. I was a good president wasn’t I, darlin’?

MELANIA

Of course. Media should be hiding – not us. While we have the chance – do you have anything to confess to me now?

DONALD

Yes, but this bunker is bugged & I don’t want to give Marilyn Sands the satisfaction!

MELANIA

Marilyn who?

DONALD

Exactly!

MELANIA

$130,000, Donald?

DONALD

You’d get more!

MELANIA

Really? $130,000 multiplied by G-d knows how many insufferable times I laid there – by my calculations; you’re in the arrears!

DONALD

Another Butt Shame – well, I’m done.

MELANIA

Well, you know I can’t swallow pills.

DONALD

Damn – I should’ve gotten it in liquid form!

MELANIA

You can’t think of everything – call CVS.

DONALD

Cyanide – are you crazy?

MELANIA

Then, where did you get these?

DONALD

Barr had extra!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha