Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews President Donald Trump and former Vice President (and very possibly future President) Joe Biden.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are President Donald Trump and Vice President Joe Biden.
JERRY
Good morning, fellas.
DONALD TRUMP
Sleepy Joe. I, Donald J. Trump resurrected him from the dead. That’s the headline tonight on Fox News.
JOE BIDEN
I don’t watch Fox for the same reason I don’t eat out of a toilet.
JERRY
Trumpster. The coronavirus is out of control and you just jeopardized the lives of 7,000 Rubes who were at your campaign rally in Tulsa. The rally was a bust. The auditorium seats 19,000.
TRUMP
Fake camera coverage by the media. A million people requested tickets.
BIDEN
Lie number 21,000. Trump is so stupid, he puts his watch in the bank to save time.
TRUMP
Leftist radicals are taking over our streets. Biden is weak and mentally incapacitated. The sky is falling.
BIDEN
Knock, knock, Trumpster.
TRUMP
Who’s there?
BIDEN
Annie.
TRUMP
Annie who?
BIDEN
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
JERRY
Vice President Biden. Why should you be elected?
BIDEN
I am fighting for the middle of the road, a little toad. I mean a commode. Bottom line, I would make a helluva Vice President.
TRUMP
You were the Vice President.
BIDEN
Smart Aleck. You’re lying again.
JERRY
No. This is the only time he told the truth.
BIDEN
Can I call a lifeline?
JERRY
Trumpster. You recently went to Phoenix for a rally and snubbed the mayor’s mandate of wearing a mask. You told your supporters that you wanted to see their faces.
TRUMP
The corona virus is gone. It disappeared like my ex-wives. Just disappeared.
JERRY
Like you will in November. Hey, there are over 2 million people that have tested positive for coronavirus.
TRUMP
People are working again. I’m a stable genius. The stock market is soaring. Wall Street loves me.
BIDEN
And Main Street hates you. Unemployment at an all-time high, millions uninsured, the coronavirus out of control and racial discrimination worse than ever since you became president. Now you want to get rid of Obamacare in the middle of a pandemic that could leave 20 million people without health insurance.
TRUMP
I will give them better insurance. It’s called Lysol. Just drink a cup and it will clean out your insides. The only side effect is it may kill you. But what do you have to lose?
BIDEN
Folks. The man is dangerous.
JERRY
Breaking News: Mexico agreed to pay for Trump’s impeachment last Janaury.
Melania Trump bursts through the studio door.
MELANIA TRUMP
And biggest news. I support Joe Biden for president.
BIDEN
Then I support him, too.
TRUMP
What Melanoma?! You must be ill. Do you know who I am?
MELANIA
You cheat. On me, income tax, business. Barron don’t know who father is. He locked in room because he only speak Slovenian.
JERRY
Are you willing to testify before Congress?
MELANIA
Yes. I vill save country. Write new book Granddaughter of Dracula, Wife of Frankenstein. $24.99 Simon and Schuster.
TRUMP
I snuck your parents over here. Gave them forged passports. I’m the most illegal person you’ll ever know.
MELANIA
You and I finished. You suck. This is end.
TRUMP
What about Barron? Do I get joint custody?
JERRY
For someone who pretends to know it all, how come you don’t know you’re a dumb ass? See you tomorrow everyone.
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