Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the father of modern psychology, Dr. Sigmund Freud, and Donald Trump.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Through the magic of a hologram, from Heaven my guest is the father of modern psychology Dr. Sigmund Freud and President Donald Trump.
JERRY
Good morning, Doc.
SIGMUND FREUD
(German accent) Vunderbar. I hope dat I don’t have a Freudian slip.
JERRY
Hi, Trumpster.
DONALD TRUMP
Freud is a smart guy. He told me I’ve had a vacancy of the cranium since birth. Not stable. I’m not stable.
FREUD
Do you mind if I smoke?
TRUMP
I don’t care if you burn up, Doc.
FREUD
Dat vasn’t nice. You have an Oedipus complex, Mr. Dump.
JERRY
That’s serious. The Orange Man has a sexual desire for his mother. And hates his father.
TRUMP
My mother is so hot, I tried to date her.
FREUD
And vhy do you tink you vere rejected?
TRUMP
Small hands. Very small hands.
FREUD
Interesting. And your daddy?
TRUMP
I never liked the jerk. I asked him what he did for a living. He said, “I impersonate a human being.”
JERRY
Hey, Doc. Save some time for me. I have a problem.
FREUD
Lay it on me, Big Fella.
JERRY
Okay. I can’t seem to find a girlfriend.
FREUD
Vhy do you tink?
JERRY
I realized it when the last girl I dated told me that I wasn’t like the rest of them.
FREUD
And?
JERRY
She said I was worse.
FREUD
Oh my. Vell, Jerry. Der is somevone for everyvone and da person for you is a psychiatrist.
JERRY
Great.
FREUD
Dat vill be $500. Do you vant to put it on your credit card?
JERRY
See this middle finger in front of your face?
FREUD
Ah, yes. No problemo.
TRUMP
Is that it for the day?
FREUD
No. I discovered you have a libido. Repetition, hate, aggression and neurotic guilt.
TRUMP
Fake news.
FREUD
Mr. Dump. These are da scientific findings. You’re a moron, an idiot, a dictator and dishonest.
JERRY
That sounds right.
FREUD
I have more.
JERRY
By all means.
FREUD
You don’t take responsibility for your mistakes. And you blame everyvone else for your ineptness and failure of leadership.The coronavirus is out of control and da economy is in da crapper. Vhat more is dere to say?
TRUMP
The coronvirus will disappear, Four Eyes. And the only thing in the crapper is your head. Flush hard, it’s a long way to Heaven.
JERRY
Just a minute. There is a caller on the line.
JOE BIDEN
Jerry. It’s Joe Biden.
JERRY
What do you want?
BIDEN
I have a question for Dr. Freud.
FREUD
Go ahead.
BIDEN
Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
FREUD
I’m glad you asked. The ‘p’ is silent.
JERRY
See you tomorrow everyone.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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