The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Arizona Senator Martha McSally

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Republican Senator Martha McSally from the state of Arizona.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guest today is Republican Senator Martha McSally from the state of Arizona.

Martha McSally - Gage Skidmore — Martha McSally. Photo by Gage Skidmore, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning, Senator.

MARTHA MCSALLY

What am I doing here? I must be desperate.

JERRY

You sure are. Trailing your Democrat opponent Mark Kelly in every poll.

MCSALLY

I don’t believe polls.

JERRY

Do you believe Italians?

MCSALLY

Of course I do. My favorite chef was Italian. Unfortunately, he pasta away.

JERRY

Here’s something you won’t hear on Fox News. Did you know that the majority of Arizonans like whole milk, but don’t like the 1%.

MCSALLY

The 1% are my peeps. I voted to give them tax cuts in 2017. I’m proposing a bill called the American TRIP Act that would give $4,000 in tax credits.

JERRY

The middle class and poor can’t afford to travel during the pandemic. These people are so broke, they have to eat cereal with a fork to save milk.

MCSALLY

President Reagan said ketchup is a vegetable. That should take care of lunch and dinner.

JERRY

Mark Kelly promises pre-existing conditions will be covered and that no one should lose their health insurance.

MCSALLY

So do I.

JERRY

No, you don’t. You want to take away Obamacare. The mandate protects pre-existing conditions.

MCSALLY

I got a better plan called Trumpcare.

JERRY

What does it offer?

MCSALLY

Nothing. That’s the beauty. No one takes responsibility for anything. Like the Coronavirus, every disease will magically disappear.

JERRY

Arizona has one of the highest Coronavirus rates in the country. 174,000 people tested positive.

MCSALLY

That’s the difference between me and my opponent. Mark Kelly always says it’s good to be negative when he talks about the virus. I like to think positive. Those 174,000 people will sure remember me and Donald Trump when they vote in November.

JERRY

Mark Kelly flew 39 Navy combat missions in Operation Desert Storm. He received numerous medals and ribbons. Then became an astronaut spending 54 days in space. Do you know what you call a tick on the moon?

MCSALLY

No.

JERRY

A Luna tick.

JERRY

Speaking of lunatics. You voted with Trump 95% of the time. In fact, you want to lower the federal unemployment benefits while 30 million people are out of work at no fault of their own.

MCSALLY

I could respond with a lot of unemployment jokes. Sadly, none of them work.

JERRY

You took more than $150,000 of corporate PAC contributions from big insurance and drug companies. You stand with the Republican plan to increase premiums, eliminate pre-existing conditions and threaten coverage for 400,000 Americans.

MCSALLY

I support the Affordable Health Care Act, not Obamacare.

JERRY

Knock, knock.

MCSALLY

Who’s there?

JERRY

Nana.

MCSALLY

Nana who?

JERRY

Nana your business.

JERRY

You lost to Democrat Kristen Sinema in the 2018 Arizona Senate race, accusing her of treason. But the people of Arizona knew the truth and voted you out. You are only in office because you were appointed by the Governor when Senator Jon Kyl retired. Now you are using the same failed playbook by falsely accusing Mark Kelly of ties to a major Chinese business and investments in Chinese companies. Guess what?

MCSALLY

That’s what.

JERRY

I know I am. But what are you?

JERRY

The people know you can’t be trusted Martha McNasty. Go back to what you do best. Playing fetch with your dog.

MCSALLY

When I lose in November, I’m going to be a lobbyist. I’ll fight for greater inequality, higher national debt and budget deficits. Did I mention higher trade deficits?

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

MCSALLY

(screaming) Climate change is fake. Donald Trump is honest. Privatize social security. Marijuana causes insanity.

JERRY

Someone call 911!

MCSALLY

And they’re coming to take me away ha-haaa. They’re coming to take me away ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.

The Jerry Duncan Show

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.