Hurricane Donald - David Martin, Humor Times

As the hurricane season continues, some linger on, like Hurricane Donald.

It turns out that Hurricane Laura may not have been as powerful as originally anticipated but, as a Category 4, it did cause extensive damage and flooding along the Gulf Coast and further inland. Although Laura has passed, we must remember that the hurricane season continues and more devastating storms are on the way, including this one previously identified by the National Weather Service:

NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE

National Hurricane Center – Storm Advisory for Hurricane Donald – Extreme Warning

We continue to track Hurricane Donald ever since it achieved hurricane status back in November of 2016. What was once predicted to be simply a minor tropical storm that would blow itself out in 2015 has unexpectedly continued to gain strength and now threatens not only coastal regions but the entire continental United States.

Although some hurricanes move northward at a slow pace, Donald is truly exceptional in that it has moved very little in the past three-and-a-half years. In fact, the eye of the storm remains centered over Washington, D.C. with particularly disruptive winds and storm surges in the specific area of the White House.

Since its inception, Donald has left significant damage and destruction in its path. Puerto Rico was one of its early major victims and the damage elsewhere has been widespread and extensive. The storm has destroyed innumerable regulations, caused significant harm to healthcare reforms and added immeasurably to the national debt. More recently, Donald has somehow even managed to exacerbate a worldwide pandemic.

Those residing in lower income areas are urged to evacuate as soon as possible. Although Donald consistently promised to bring economic gains to all, to date, it has limited such results only to upper income neighborhoods.

One of the hoped for side effects of this storm was that it would drain the swamp. However, given that it is centered over Washington, Donald’s continuous reign has unfortunately only deepened that swamp.

While Donald primarily attacks liberal coastal areas, it causes damage wherever it tracks. Even if your region appears to be safe, be advised that Donald creates dangerous subsidiary weather patterns such as unceasing campaign-like rallies and unpredictable Twitterstorms. It has even been known to become embedded with local meteorological elements such as Stormy Daniels.

Donald has yet to be accurately or adequately categorized. Once thought to be simply an annoying tropical depression, it has since surprisingly continued to jump categories beyond our standard measuring determinants such that, at this point, we can only call it an uncategorized storm.

It continues to be difficult to predict the path and strength of this hurricane. Although we anticipated on several occasions that Donald would essentially self-destruct, it appears that whatever erratic and unstable action the storm takes only seems to further strengthen it.

We are cautiously optimistic, however, that by early November, we will see Donald’s power lessened significantly by strong quadrennial election patterns including those from the House and possibly the Senate. Yet given Donald’s unpredictability and penchant for achieving increased volume as well as the electorate’s historical absence of voter turnout, it may actually increase in strength and achieve the previously unassigned storm status of a Windbag 1.

If Donald should persist beyond the upcoming election season, it may not blow itself out until 2024 or beyond.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.