The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews a Trump Voter

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews a Trump voter from the swing state of Wisconsin.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Hilda Swanson, an elderly Trump voter from the swing state of Wisconsin.

JERRY

Good morning, Hilda.

HILDA SWANSON

Excuse me. I need to put my teeth back in my mouth.

JERRY

I would hope so. This isn’t a Trump rally. Hilda, do you know the difference between Elvis and a literate Donald Trump supporter?

HILDA

No.

JERRY

Elvis has been sighted.

HILDA

Duncan. The King faked his death because he was in the FBI. I think Elvis is that James Comey fella.

JERRY

You believe in conspiracies.

HILDA

Yep. That’s what I admire about our president. He pulls a bunch of them out of his ass. The other day he said Kamala Harris was an anchor baby.

JERRY

No. She was born in Oakland, California. And I don’t think you know what an anchor baby is.

HILDA

Sure I do. They’re porky bambinos who can’t move their feet.

JERRY

You’re the typical Trump supporter. Very condescending and not charitable to others.

HILDA

Untrue. A charity organization called last week and asked me if I had any clothing for the starving. I replied, “Anyone that fits in my clothing isn’t starving.” That’s using the old noggin. Right, Duncan?

JERRY

Tell me why the Trumpster deserves another 4 years as president.

HILDA

Because I got a stimulus check for $1,200. Nobody ever gave me free money. I’ve been strapped for cash my entire life.

JERRY

Then you’re fighting for the wrong party.

HILDA

I got gas today for $1.39. Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.

JERRY

You see, Trump is a carnival barker. You are barely making ends meet. Your Medicare supplemental and prescription drugs are not affortable. You live in a trailer.

HILDA

I don’t live in a trailer.

JERRY

Sorry. I assumed.

HILDA

Just kidding! I do.

JERRY

That’s good. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

HILDA

Naw. I keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. I also need it to defend myself from illegal aliens. Trump said caravans with brown skin people are coming over the southern border to harm us.

JERRY

But you live closer to the Canadian border.

HILDA

Yep. I always try to take the high road, but sometimes I just want to take a detour and run over your ass. I’m not going to sit idle and watch Joe Biden win this November. Back to the days of the Obama-Biden era of overreaching Big Government.

JERRY

Think about what you just said, because it is the Republican lie. President Obama brought America out of a recession caused by President George W. Bush and the Republicans. He put America back to work. We had a surplus when Obama left office. And affordable health care. The world looked up to us.

HILDA

You’re trying to scare me, Duncan. Do you think we need to hide money from Republicans?

JERRY

Absolutely. I suggest putting it in science books. They’ll never look there.

HILDA

Why?

JERRY

We can give the money back to the middle class and poor. It was stolen in the reform package signed by Trump that favored the rich. And with that extra money, we an end the Coronavirus.

HILDA

Trump said the Coronavirus disappeared.

JERRY

And so did 187,000 American lives. See you tomorrow everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.