America’s monkey business is swinging.
It’s the end of an era, but it could be the start of something big. KFC has just announced that because of the coronavirus, they will no longer advertise their fast-food meals as “finger-lickin’ good,” thus ending a 60-year long tradition of merchandising. However, the White House isn’t smacking its lips over it. On the contrary, the sad news left a sour taste. Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany said that President Trump will continue to lick his fingers, not only while eating, but while counting his money between meals, to make sure that he doesn’t short- change himself while tabulating Washington emoluments. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin strongly supports that policy. Yesterday he dismissed two IRS auditors for giving $600 in cash to a one-legged homeless veteran residing at the Vietnam War Memorial without wetting their thumbs as they withheld $120 for federal payroll deductions. Meanwhile, in Akron, OH, Goodyear Tire Company, angered by the President’s recent tweets about the company’s decision (publicized on social media) allowing employees to sport BLM attire at work while forbidding anyone to wear MAGA hats on company time and property, is spinning its biggest wheels, while refusing to let Trump tread on them. Goodyear, which (like everyone else in America) is having a bad year, said “we never authorized anyone to wear anything. That bulletin is a fake. The President ought to know that, since he’s the biggest fake since the rubber slid off the road.” Homeland Security was alerted, to protect the Presidential limousine from mechanics hired by Goodyear to remove all four tires from the car and install them on a ’67 Corvette swinging toward Ohio. “Operation Monkey Wrench” will maintain constant vigil over the vehicle. Taken aback by KFC, Trump is trying to grease the skids that have detoured him as the campaign rolls on. Meanwhile, the count continues: 5,800,001, 5,800,002, 5,800,003 … and, as the pressure mounts, inflated claims about Mr. Trump’s “leadership” during the pandemic have punctured the nation’s hopes. It is food for thought, as all Americans wipe their hands, while holding them up to their faces in grief and shame. Will we patch things together before it’s too late? Or is America too tired to bring politics to a crisp conclusion? We should know by November, unless President Trump decides to take us for a ride, and we all kick the bucket.
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