The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Postmaster General Louis DeJoy

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Postmaster General Louis DeJoy.

Ed. Note: Announcing an all-new The Jerry Duncan Show series on YouTube! The first four episodes will air in late October and feature Broadway stars in the cast. Help them fund this worthy endeavor at GoFundMe!

Louis DeJoy caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is the 75th Postmaster General of the United States Louis Killjoy.

LOUIS DEJOY

It’s DeJoy.

JERRY

How about Costanza? You remind me of George Costanza from Seinfeld. Maybe Curly from The 3 Stooges.

DEJOY

How about if we settle at Louie and call it a day.

JERRY

Fine, Louie.

JERRY

Let me get right to the point. There’s a reward of $10,000 for your arrest, 18 U.S. code 1708.

DEJOY

Who are you?

JERRY

Let me continue, Bowling Ball. It states whereby whoever steals, takes by fraud or deception, obtains or attempts to obtain mail for the post office shall be imprisoned.

DEJOY

What’s the crime?

JERRY

You have deliberately slowed down the mail so Trump can be re-elected. Mail-in ballots will be delayed so they won’t count after election day. And to make sure this happens, you’ve cut overtime for employees and removed 600 sorting machines.

DEJOY

I’m saving money.

JERRY

How many letters does one machine sort?

DEJOY

I don’t know.

JERRY

38,000 pieces of mail an hour.

DEJOY

The machines that I destroyed are history.

JERRY

What is the cost of a flat rate envelope?

DEJOY

Fifty cents?

JERRY

What does it mean when the flag is flying half-mast at the post office?

DEJOY

They’re hiring.

JERRY

You don’t know anything about your job.

DEJOY

I work for the pleasure of Donald Trump.

JERRY

That’s what Stormy Daniels said.

JERRY

Tell me about the donation of $1.2 million dollars you gave to the Trump 2020 campaign.

DEJOY

It was hard earned money.

JERRY

It’s called a Straw Donor Scheme. Illegal under the Federal Campaign Act of 1971. Accepting a contribution made by one person in the name of another. You’re two for two, Louie. More prison time and a fine.

DEJOY

I gave the money back to my employees when I got caught. I mean…

JERRY

Here’s another crime. You’re on a roll.

DEJOY

You told me we were going to talk baseball.

JERRY

We are. You’re going to strike out. In 2015, you donated $747,000 to Duke University.

DEJOY

Aren’t I nice?

JERRY

Gee. What a coincidence your son was accepted to Duke that year. Oh, did I forget to mention he was a walk-on on the tennis team?

DEJOY

Next.

JERRY

How about reducing the lines in the post office?

DEJOY

Huh?

JERRY

I was in the post office the other day and some woman was shouting in an envelope. I said, “What are you doing?” She replied, “Sending a voice mail.”

DEJOY

I know what a post office is, but what’s a line?

JERRY

Louie. Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr and Stephen Miller are in Air Force One together. The plane crashes. Who would survive?

DEJOY

I don’t know.

JERRY

The United State of America. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show

P.S. The Jerry Duncan Show will have 4 episodes on YouTube airing in late October. There are Broadway stars in the cast. See the GoFundMe promo!

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.