The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews an Alaskan Sled Dog Musher

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Jackson Riley, a sled dog musher from Wasilla, Alaska.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. Today on the show my guest is Jackson Riley, a sled dog musher from Wasilla, Alaska.

JERRY

Good morning, Jackson.

JACKSON

It’s so cold today, there’s an icicle hanging from my nose. I actually saw a politician having hands in his own pocket.

JERRY

Tell our audience what a dog musher does.

JACKSON

Sure. We direct a team of Huskies in a marathon race. I do the big Iditarod Trail with 16 dogs. Over 1,000 miles of snow and ice.

JERRY

How can you tell if you have a stupid dog?

JACKSON

It chases Sarah Palin. For some reason they’re attracted to each other.

JERRY

I always wondered. What are the four best years of an Alaskan’s life?

JACKSON

Third grade. My teacher told us to follow our dreams. But she wouldn’t let us sleep in class. Go figure.

JERRY

I’m from Alaska. I didn’t spend four years in third grade.

JACKSON

You’re lucky.

JERRY

You bet. It was kindergarten. My teacher told me it was perfectly normal to accidentally poop in my pants. I told her that some kids come to school to sit and think. But I come here to shit and stink.

JERRY

How much have you earned this year racing dogs?

JACKSON

About $5,000. It’s not my real job. I’m a bartender.

JERRY

Jackson. Why didn’t the bartender serve the snake?

JACKSON

Dunno.

JERRY

Because she couldn’t hold her beer.

JACKSON

I don’t get it.

JERRY

Okay. Let me try another one. A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says,”What’s with the long face?”

JACKSON

Hmmm. Give me a few minutes.

JERRY

Do you know what a long face is?

JACKSON

Yah. But what’s a giraffe?

JERRY

I need a drink after this interview is over. Do you have any suggestions?

JACKSON

Rum and Coke. I like the drink because my relationship with whiskey is on the rocks.

JERRY

What’s special about Alaska?

JACKSON

You should know, Duncan. We have tourism, mining, timber, pertroleum, wildlife. Speakin of wildlife, I met this sexy girl at a bar who lived with her folks. She gave me her number and said call her.

JERRY

Did you?

JACKSON

Of course. She said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” So I went over there. Nobody was home.

JERRY

I guess that’s why you do dog races. It’s your social life.

JACKSON

Not exactly. I’m campaigning for Joe Biden.

JERRY

What’s the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

JACKSON

Dunno.

JERRY

When Biden is speaking, you wonder if he’s had a stroke. When Trump is speaking, you wonder if you had a stroke. See you tomorrow.

Author
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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.