The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Kermit the Frog

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Kermit the Frog.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Kermit the Frog.

KERMIT THE FROG

It’s not that easy being green.

JERRY

Oh, really? Try being black. You’ll get squished.

KERMIT

No complaints.

JERRY

Let’s see. You were created in 1955 by puppeteer Jim Henson. That makes you 65.

KERMIT

Yeah. I was born in a Leap Year! Frog…leap. Get it?

JERRY

I’m not as stupid as you look.

KERMIT

I’ve had a great life considering I was supposed to croak at 5 years old.

JERRY

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

KERMIT

Dinner?

JERRY

A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.

KERMIT

You’re a riot, Duncan. I’m going to get you on The Muppets tour.

JERRY

How did you land a job on Sesame Street?

KERMIT

Luck. An agent discovered me in a swamp and signed me up. I have a good voice, so I’ve been toad. Hey, my song Rainbow Connection landed at number 25 on the Billboard charts in 1979.

JERRY

Was that song meant for your girlfriend at the time Miss Piggy?

KERMIT

Yeah. I really loved her. We were together for 37 years. Never married.

JERRY

Why?

KERMIT

She wasn’t kosher. And Piggy cheated on me. She had an affair with Cookie Monster.

JERRY

He was one of your best friends.

KERMIT

What a monster! I heard Cookie went to the dentist last week and ate all the anesthesia.

JERRY

Numb Num Numb Num Numb Num.

JERRY

But then you dated another pig named Denise.

KERMIT

We lived together for a year. Broke up because she wasn’t bringing home the bacon.

JERRY

I understand you have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

KERMIT

I’m quite the politician. I know how to kiss ass.

JERRY

Speaking of politics. Are you a Democrat or Republican?

KERMIT

I’m in the Green Party, Duncan. We believe in climate change. And saving trees. When I was in Yosemite I heard one tree say to the other tree, “Are you a sap?” I love their honesty.

JERRY

The only sap I know is Donald Trump. He called our soldiers “losers and suckers” and hid the coronavirus from Americans for 2 months. Then got corona himself. Trump cheated on his wives, his taxes and college SAT test. Did I forget to mention he colluded with the Russians in the 2016 presidential election. Even impeached by the House of Representatives this year.

JERRY

Don’t waste your vote, Froggy. Elect Joe Biden for president.

The studio door bursts open and Miss Piggy arrives on the scene.

MISS PIGGY

Kermit the Frog is a liar! I didn’t cheat. He did! It was with my deaf friend.

JERRY

You should have seen the signs.

PIGGY

Well, I didn’t. Do you know what’s green and red and goes round and round?

JERRY

No.

PIGGY

A frog in a blender. My blender’s in the green room. Get over here, Kermit.

KERMIT

Help me, Jerry! Help!!

PIGGY

It’s all over, Hopscotch.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.