One-Term Presidents Club: Letter to Donald

A consoling letter from a friend, re: One-Term Presidents Club.

Dear Donald,

I’m sure it’s been tough these last few days what with losing the election and all. Believe me; I know what it’s like and it’s definitely not fun.

I just wanted to write and let you know that things will get better. After a few weeks moping around the house, Rosalynn kicked me in the butt and got me started with all my volunteering.

Now I don’t imagine you’re a big one for volunteer work such as building houses for Habitat for Humanity or the like. Yet you are a real estate guy and hopefully you can put your talents to work for others as in something, say, like Hotels for Russians or Casinos for Crackers.

If all this is too painful, you can always pretend you’ll run again in 2024. Frankly, I wouldn’t recommend it. You’ll be 78 and, trust me, once you’re looking at 80, being President is a daunting task. Just ask Joe Biden.

Don’t forget; you’re now a lifetime member of the Ex-Presidents Club. It’s a very select fraternity with only five members, now including you. I know you’re not a big fan of Obama, Bush and Clinton but I think you’ll enjoy the occasional golf outing or poker night with them.

I should warn you, however, that those guys are pretty snobby. They’re all former two-term Presidents and they’re pretty hoity-toity about it. I’m not saying they’ll outright exclude you but don’t expect golf foursome invites any time soon.

I no longer get invited and I don’t think it’s just because I’m 96 with a golf handicap half that. No one says anything particular but you definitely get the feeling you’re second class.

The silver lining to all this is that you’re now a member of an even more exclusive club: the One-term Presidents Club. It’s just you and me, Donald, and, let’s face it, it won’t be long before it’s just you.

Anyway, give me a call when you feel up to it. Maybe we could go golfing so long as you’ve got a really good golf cart and don’t mind a lot of bathroom breaks.

Or maybe we could go out for dinner together with our spouses. Rosalynn may take a bit of convincing but I’m sure she would agree to at least make nice with Melania.

Or maybe we could just chat on the phone from time to time. I know how lonely it is to be a one-term president so I can help you through those dark times.

I’m thinking I might also have some advice to give you on image burnishing. I’m not saying I can help you get a Nobel Peace Prize or anything like that but I do have a few tips on rebranding, a topic you also know something about if I’m not mistaken.

After all, I left office with about as low an approval rating as you can get and look at me now. Trust me; I’m sure I can make even you likeable.

Electorally yours,

Jimmy C.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.