Trump Withdrawal Syndrome? - David Martin, Humor Times

The following is an urgent bulletin from the CDC for those suffering from Trump Withdrawal Syndrome:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Bulletin No. 2020-11-29

RE: Trump Withdrawal Syndrome warning

In the midst of the current pandemic, it’s easy to forget other potential health issues which are more limited in scope. In particular, we are today warning about a serious matter potentially affecting hundreds of individuals: Trump Withdrawal Syndrome.

Trump Withdrawal Syndrome or TWS can affect anyone but is most worrisome in the case of political satirists, particularly those heavily addicted to Donald J. Trump. These individuals have been relying almost exclusively on the words and deeds of the 45^th president for their humor writing.

For the last five years, this addiction has not been a significant societal problem since those affected had an ample supply of material and the wealth of Trump-related satire did not typically interfere with a user’s ability to function. But with the impending inauguration of a new president, there is a serious risk of affected writers running out of subject matter and experiencing Trump Withdrawal Syndrome.

It is anticipated that on or after January 20^th, there will be a dramatic drop-off in Trump-related material to satirize leading to severe withdrawal symptoms. Many political satirists appear to be in denial and have failed to plan for the upcoming decrease in the supply chain.

This is particularly dangerous given the unexpected increase in Trump-related inspiration that has occurred in the pre-Inauguration period. Many humorists are doubling down on their Trump-themed production heedless of what is going to happen post-Inauguration.

If you know a political satirist or there’s one in your family, now is the time to take steps to help them transition from a Trump-filled universe to a world almost devoid of Trumpian inspirations. It’s often difficult for the addict to see the problem clearly since the current supply is bountiful and of a very high quality leading the addict to assume such will always be the case.

Try to get the satirist to recognize the situation and to cut back on written production related to The Donald. Suggest that instead of a daily Trump piece, they produce one every other day and then cut back from there.

For particularly stubborn cases, we suggest the writer alternate Trump pieces with the satirical equivalent of methadone – i.e. – political satire based on the doings of someone like Joe Biden. For hardcore addicts, try getting them to write serious commentary pieces instead.

Remind addicts that vigilance and willpower will be necessary even in the post-Inaugural era. After all, Donald Trump will still be around doing and saying all manner of crazy things. However, his influence will quickly wane so if satirists can hang tough and not touch the Trump stuff for the coming months, there’s an excellent chance they can get clean.

With the support of friends, family and the non-Trump satirical community, Trump Withdrawal Syndrome can be survived and a sense of political normalcy can be achieved. Remember, though, that TWS is particularly nasty and very difficult to endure.

Being hooked on Trump satire is in a league of its own. Writers who managed to go through Bush Withdrawal Syndrome in 2009 may think that TWS won’t be any harder but they are mistaken. Trump Withdrawal Syndrome includes tears, anxiety and nausea and may take months to shake.

In the end, the withdrawal process is worth it as the addict can hopefully regain his or her normal life. As yet, we don’t have any statistics on the recidivism rate although we expect to know more come the 2024 presidential campaign.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.