Dear America: A Letter from Canada, eh? - David Martin, Humor Times

Dear America,

Hi there. It’s Canada here. I know this is probably not a good time but I feel I really have no choice. In short, I’m breaking up with you.

I know we’ve had a long relationship and that you’re suffering from a pandemic and a crazy election but I just can’t go on like this anymore. Sometimes the person breaking up will say “It’s not you; it’s me” but in this case, it’s definitely you.

It’s true that you have a horrible excuse for a human being as President but that’s not the main reason I’m pulling the plug. What’s truly disturbing is that close to half of you still want this man to run the country.

I know we’ve had our differences over the years including a war in 1812 and a couple of minor invasions but we were always able to work things out and stay together. Until now, that is.

Look, it’s true that couples sometimes screw up and that doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship. For example, I know you were upset and confused and feeling that you weren’t being heard back in 2016 and maybe that explains why you voted for a wannabe autocrat.

I tried to be understanding since everyone’s entitled to a second chance. But you then had four years to see the damage that guy did and you still chose to stick with him. Fool me once; shame on you. Fool me twice; shame on me.

It’s hard to forgive you for your continuing infidelity. I don’t think you realize how hurtful your actions have been. Knowing full well the nature of your President, you ignored our feelings and instead chose to flirt with autocracy, fascism and racism.

Four years is too much especially since it’s clear you’re not going to change. I guess you just don’t care that you embarrassed me in front of my friends France, Germany and Great Britain. You made no effort to join us in such endeavors as NATO, climate change and the Iran deal.

You’re telling me that you’re sorry, that you’ve seen the error of your ways and have now promised to never see Trump again. You claim you’ve even chosen a new President who is gentle and kind.

Yet all I can see is a divided nation with part of you looking much like the old Confederate States of America. In fact, maybe that’s an answer to your problem and the two parts should go their separate ways.

But all that is too late. You’re still seeing the guy and half the nation still loves him. Even when he called the election a fraud and declared victory before all the votes were counted, you didn’t walk away.

I’m tired of pointing out Trump’s flaws. For whatever reason, half of you just seem to be blind to his blatant shortcomings. If my people were faced with such a choice, polls suggest that over 80% would reject the guy. Why can’t you do likewise?

Anyway, you can see that I’m totally frustrated and at my wits’ end. You’re no longer the proud nation I once knew that defeated fascism in World War II. Honestly, I hardly recognize you.

I know you’re in a sad state and desperately need help but I can no longer pretend nothing’s wrong and continue enabling your addictive behavior. I’m sad that it’s goodbye but please don’t call or write. I need some time to heal.

For now, remember the good times we had and just hope that someday we can still be friends.

Yours politely,

Canada

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.