Betting on Trump: Las Vegas Loving It - David Martin, Humor Times

Betting on Trump: Las Vegas bookies have been having a field day taking bets on everything Donald Trump for months.

Many sectors of the economy have suffered greatly due to the pandemic, but there’s one that hasn’t: betting on Trump, or “presidential wagering.” Las Vegas bookies have been having a field day taking bets on everything Donald Trump for months now.

There was the election, of course, with its closer-than-anticipated result. Thanks to a significant increase in pro-Trump bettors, bookies realized a significant return on the results of this year’s race.

But that wasn’t the only bet in town. With the end of the election came the need for more gambling revenue generators.

First up was the novel unanticipated bet on when Donald Trump would concede defeat. This was a whole new gambling sector, one that, it turns out, was nothing but a fool’s game.

Still, greedy high rollers enticed by tempting odds rushed in to place their bets on all manner of dates including the TV networks’ call of the election on November 6^th, the vote of the Electoral College on December 14^th, Congress’s acceptance of that vote on January 6^th and, the supposedly sure thing of Inauguration Day on January 20^th.

Vegas betting parlors raked in the cash knowing full well that the answer to the question “when will Donald Trump concede?” was “never.”

But that’s not the end of the Trump-related wagering. Where there’s a question, there’s a potential wager.

For the next two weeks, there are some great White House bets offering enticing odds. How many pardons will Donald Trump issue? Will he pardon Rudy Giuliani? Or how about Donald, Jr.; Eric; Ivanka and Jared? And perhaps the biggest potential payout: will he pardon himself?

Also on the board is the question of when will President Trump leave the White House? He may not acknowledge Joe Biden’s victory but he does know he has to eventually vacate the premises.

So when will that be? Before the end of the year? After January 6^th when Congress recognizes the election results? Or will he wait until the last minute on January 20^th before backing the U-Haul up to the White House’s back door? There could be a big payout for that last one.

Gaming enthusiasts can also look forward to placing a bet or two on when Donald Trump will announce his candidacy for 2024. Bookies will love this one since, in all likelihood, Trump will drag it out all the way to late 2023 making it a big moneymaker for both them and him.

Additional side bets will likely revolve around Trump’s upcoming legal battles. How many criminal actions will be launched against him after January 20^th? How many civil suits involving allegations of sexual assault will be filed?

Related to some of those legal actions will be the question of how much Donald Trump will owe in back taxes. Bookies can offer odds for different ranges with commensurate payouts.

Trump’s outstanding loans provide another juicy area for gamblers betting on Trump. When will the loans default? How much will he owe? How many properties will he have to liquidate?

The ex-president’s family life could also generate new wagering possibilities. When will Melania file for divorce? When will Ivanka, Junior or Eric disown their father? When will Jared declare bankruptcy?

Those who enjoy long shot betting may want to consider potential criminal sentences for Mr. Trump. Such bets might be structured as over/under wagers where the player bets over or under a certain number of years.

One thing is for sure: Donald Trump will be providing bet-worthy topics for years to come. Some might think that his Las Vegas influence will eventually end “when the fat man sings” but that overlooks one important fact: Donald Trump doesn’t sing… ever.

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David Martin

Dave's political satire and short humor have appeared in most major North American newspapers. He is also the author of several humor collections including "Dare to be Average", "Screams & Whispers" and "King Donald I" available on Amazon.