Donald Who? Exorcising Old Trump Quotes - Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

At wits end, I’m finally ridding myself of Trump’s Daily Word Salad, including all the Old Trump Quotes!

Frankly, after writing 5 years worth of Trump satire…I need a Lobotomy!

Yes, it’s high time to clean out Trump’s idiotic quotes that linger in my frontal lobe! Just the thought of moving them from my left brain to the right is harder than you think – but that’s where you come in!

I took a few of Trump’s Quotes & attributed them to other people – the worst thing that can happen is you laugh!

LINDSEY GRAHAM

“It really doesn’t matter what the media writes as long as you’ve got a young & beautiful piece of ass”!

MITCH McCONNELL

“To be blunt – people would vote for me. They just would. Why? Maybe because I’m so good looking”!

SUSAN COLLINS

“What you’re seeing & what you’re reading is not what’s happening”!

MIKE PENCE

“I’ve always said, if you need Viagra, you’re probably with the wrong girl”!

CHRIS CHRISTIE

“You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful – I just start kissing them”!

MITT ROMNEY

“I look very much forward to showing my financials, because they are huge”!

VLADIMIR PUTIN

“I think your country has tremendous economic potential”!

KIM JONG UN

“Well, I think our country does plenty of killing too, Joe”!

BARRON TRUMP

“Why can’t we use nuclear weapons”?

IVANKA TRUMP

“We’re rounding ’em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way”!

DONALD TRUMP JR

“I want 5 children, like my family – then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me”!

ERIC TRUMP

“I’m under routine audit”!

JARED KUSHNER

“I don’t have any ties to the Saudi’s”!

DEVIN NUNES

“Well, you know I love to read. Actually, I’m looking at a book. I’m reading a book, I’m trying to get started”!

JIM JORDAN

“We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated”!

KEVIN McCARTHY

“I’m not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a hand basket – I won’t lose a penny”!

RAND PAUL

“Show me someone with no ego & I’ll show you a big loser”!

TED CRUZ

“I too, have a nuclear button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his & my button works”!

RUDY GIULIANI

“I alone can fix it”!

(And, since I’m a little low on funds, darn Trump) “The best Taco Bowls are made in “Trump Tower Grill”. I love Hispanics”!

JOHN N. KENNEDY

“The worst thing a man can do is go bald. Never let yourself go bald”!

And…MELANIA TRUMP (January 20, 2021)

“Within a couple of days – one day, it’s like a miracle. It will disappear“!

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, "OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS"!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417"Living proofyou don't have to be a success to write a Memoir"!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha