Study: Daily Whiskey Bath Cures Covid 19 - Ted Holland, Humor Times

The best preventative and cure is a “daily whiskey bath,” says expert from Slobovia.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

According to Dr. Reallie Schmelsbadde, head of the Infectious Disease and Whoopie Cushion Department at the University of Stanckt at Schmukke, the most surefire way to cure and protect oneself from the Covid 19 virus is to take a daily whiskey bath.

Dr. Schmelsbadde’s theory was tested over the past year on 637 political prisoners at Trallcaazze Prison and is being considered as a Governmental anti Covid mandate in the countries of Slobovia and Schnotzelvakia.

When asked about the financial hardship that purchasing whiskey could pose, Dr. Schmelsbadde stated that in both countries organizations such as the NWF (National Winos Federation) and the AAOD (Associated Association of Drunks) will be offering grants to individuals and families.

According to the program plan the older a person is the stronger a whiskey one should bathe in. Program guidelines suggest the following:

Children under 10: Shirley Temple Mix with Grenadine

11-15: Creme DE Menthe

16-18: Peach Schnapps

19—21: Scotch

22-25: Bourbon

26-30: Rum

31-40: Gin

41-50: Vodka

51—65: Rhye

66-75: Crown Royal

76-90: Tequila

91-100: Absinthe

101: White Lightnin’

The program suggest that you drip dry and do not rinse… also that if you decide to use a chaser you should take 2 whisky baths a day.

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Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.