Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Georgia Congresswoman Majorie Taylor Greene.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. My guest today is Georgia Congresswoman and Queen of Conspiracists, Majorie Taylor Mean.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE
It’s Greene, Majorie Taylor Greene. Like the color of your snot.
JERRY
Hey, wisecracker. Do you know the difference between spinach and snot?
GREENE
No.
JERRY
Kids don’t eat spinach. Let’s begin the interview with an incident that happened at your high school when you were 16.
GREENE
What if my mother is listening?
JERRY
It’s not about those wild nights with your boyfriend when your parents were out of town.
GREENE
Good. What happens in Georgia, stays in Georgia.
JERRY
A fellow high school student armed with a gun held 53 students hostage. The kid surrendered and no one was hurt.
GREENE
Scary shit. That’s when I realized all students should carry guns in school.
JERRY
I always say, “Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he’ll rob everyone.”
GREENE
I’m serious, man. There are Space Aliens that are abducting kids walking home from school. It’s a plot by Hillary Clinton. She is making money off them on the Bangladesh Children’s Network.
JERRY
For the record, you’re nuts. I heard that when you saw a yellow school bus full of white kids, you ran after it yelling, “Twinkie!”
GREENE
Fake news.
JERRY
Isn’t it true you put two M&M’s in your ears hoping to listen to Eminem?
GREENE
It was genius. But for some reason, I couldn’t make a connection. Look. I won my congressional district with 75% of the votes. I can do what I want. I have a lot of support from good people like the militants who stormed the U.S. Capitol building on January 6.
JERRY
The wing nuts love you–Jim Jordan, Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks, Mark Meadows.
GREENE
Don’t forget Louie Gohmert.
JERRY
Do you know how to get Gohmert Pyle to wear a face mask?
GREENE
No.
JERRY
Convince him to storm the Capitol building.
GREENE
Good idea.
JERRY
Let’s go over some of your accusations. You said that a plane never crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11.
GREENE
That’s right. The Secretary of Defense was passing out donuts. Governor Chris Christie happened to be nearby and lunged for the box. He missed it and crashed into the building.
JERRY
You tried to decertify the results of the Presidential election in Georgia.
GREENE
The election was rigged. Donald Trump won.
JERRY
No, Joe Biden won. The votes were certified three times and it put that Trump lie to rest.
GREENE
C’mon. The votes were counted by Chinese President Xi Jinping Pong from an apartment building in Chinatown. It was Wong on so many levels.
JERRY
Oh. Here’s an oldie but goodie. You said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is “our enemy within the House of Representatives.” And threatened violence against her.
GREENE
Not against her. Against her hair. Pelosi is so full of dandruff that when she shakes her head, it’s considered a snow day.
JERRY
One last statement. You said inhaling carbon monoxide keeps you safe from the coronavirus.
GREENE
True. I’m going to suck a tailpipe when this interviews ends.
JERRY
Here’s a fact, Looney Tunes. Studies show 100% of humans that have died inhaled oxygen at least once in their lifetime.
GREENE
What’s oxygen?
JERRY
Since you don’t know, I guess that makes you “an oxymoron.”
GREENE
Thank you, Duncan. For once, someone complimented me for my intelligence.
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The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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