The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Frosty the Snowman

Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Frosty the Snowman from Wasilla, Alaska.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Frosty the Snowman from right here in Wasilla, Alaska.

JERRY

Good morning, Frosty.

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN

Gweat gwasshoppers! I’m weally on The Jerry Duncan Show!

JERRY

Yes, indeed.

JERRY

I understand you were a Trump supporter. Even campaigned for him.

FROSTY

I’m pwesident of a cwub called Rubes for Boobs. It’s vewy, vewy focused on ewecting Repubwicans.

JERRY

That’s okay. I respect your right to be stupid.

FROSTY

Do you know why Senator Ted Cwuz gwew a moustache?

JERRY

No.

FROSTY

Because he wanted to wook wike his wife Heidi. Ha Ha Ha Ha.

JERRY

You’re kind of an odd duck. You smoke a corn cob pipe, have a carrot for a nose, coal for eyes, wear a goofy top hat and a scarf wrapped around your neck.

FROSTY

I’m a fashionista. This is the new twend in Sibewia after you’re tortured.

JERRY

Aren’t you worried about melting when it warms up? You’re one big snowball.

FROSTY

Nah. In the summer, I’m a puddle for kids to pway in on hot days. But I warn them. There are two weasons they shoudn’t dwink puddle water. Number one. And number two.

FROSTY

Duncan. My fwiend Ivory the polar bear wants to say hi.

IVORY THE POLAR BEAR

Hey, Jerry. I met a couple of tourists in sleeping bags last night.

JERRY

Really? Those folks must have been scared.

IVORY

There was no problem. They tasted good. If God didn’t want us to eat people, why did he make them out of meat?

FROSTY

Bwilliant.

JERRY

I understand polar bears weigh up to 1,500 pounds. That’s a lot of food, missy.

IVORY

I’ve dropped half that weight since I went on Whale Watchers. No more seals. Now me and Chris Christie weigh the same.

JERRY

Knock, knock.

IVORY

Who’s there?

JERRY

Frank.

IVORY

Frank who?

JERRY

Frank you for being my friend. I don’t make many in this job.

JERRY

Frosty. You’re a famous dude. You even have a song named after you.

FROSTY

Yes. Made wots of money in woyalties. Unfowtunately, spent most of it dwinking. Evewy time I went out, I got plowed.

JERRY

How did you change?

FROSTY

I stopped dwinking and put my money in a snow bank. You should think about that Jerry.

JERRY

I prefer getting cash out of the bank, then throwing it in the river. I like studying my cash flow.

FROSTY

(surprised) Oh, no!

JERRY

What’s wrong?

FROSTY

My giwlfwiend just texted that she wants to bweak up. I’m distwaught.

JERRY

Were there signs the relationship was going south?

FROSTY

Yeah. For the past two weeks she’s been giving me the cold shoulder. She’s going to melt my heart.

JERRY

And you will be just a puddle on a playground.

FROSTY

What do you suggest? I want to move on.

JERRY

The way to a snowman’s heart is through his stomach. Find a girl that knows how to make ice cubes.

FROSTY

You awe wight. Not wike my giwlfwiend who fowgot the ingwedients. Thank you.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

Follow A Bit of Biden on Instagram @abitofbiden every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

The Jerry Duncan Show

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.